1.) She has to realize after she leaves or after you let her go, that life is better with you. (This could take years.) 2.) You are the more attractive, consistent, emotionally stable, cool, calm and collected option. 3.) She has to pursue you, has to have total motivation and initiative to want it VERY BADLY, and work for you. She's leaving, she's staying? It shouldn't matter to you either way.
Thanks IHCLACS, you are right. The last week she has transitioned from logistics to R talks multiple times. Every time it gets my thoughts going. How do you recommend shutting these R talks down?
I will continue DBing. It seems as if she if very uncertain and insecure about her goals at the moment.
They are mostly insecure about their goals because they follow their feelings and intuition torwards change, but fear the logistics, steps, commitment and hard work to maintain true freedom and independence. They want it, but they fear the struggle. Im willing to bet if you have a convo with them about it just for the hell of it. Not to obtain brownie points or anything, cause she's done with you. But pay attention how much they want to talk with you when they are having a hard time figure their life out. Pay attention to how much it's all about them. Im willing to bet even the best of well intention WAS won't even ask you about how you are doing, what you are planning, what your goals are, etc.or take an interest in you.
Maybe others could advise here a better way to shut R talks down. Me? I just plainly tell the W I'm not having that discusion anymore if it comes up again. I don't think it will though. But if you want to handle it with a little more confidence and finess? As soon as she brings it up, let her say her piece, then you reply "I appreciate you telling me the way you feel, but I would have to think about that." No timeline, no reassurances, no direct answers. They have you and the marriage in limbo, its their decision to stay or go which they can't make up their minds on..so...keep it there, leave it there, and walk away.
Think about it from a woman's perspective. What do they value the most? Time, value, and the quality of it.. Why? Because of their biology. They test unconsciously for their protector, their lover, their provider. They speak in subtleties. Guys have to read between the lines. They make decisions on emotions. Some call it intuition. Although it can guide people in the right direction in life. I noticed something the other day in convo with W. All the changes she has intuition and feelings to make, she's insecure if she will succeed. What does that tell you? All dreams, all motivational pep talk, no action, no plans, no logistics. They don't trust their own intuition.
So its like this. At one point in time you attracted W because of the way you made her feel about you, and about herself, at some point that changed, yoh no longer fit into her expectations, future, or picture. So? She thinks she can find it somewhere else or with someone else. Her feelings changed. They can be changed again. That's what makes feelings fickle. Listen to your feelings. But don't ever put them above your principles, values, morals and honor. Feelings are good, but are fleeting and subject to change. There is so much more to choosing love, marriage, shared life, etc. Finances, sex, affection, love language, trust, honor, personality fit, value, teamwork, treatment, reciprocity, goals, direction, communications, future, etc. Make it a good choice for you. Let feelings guide you, But don't let it be your guide in life. .
