180 Counterproductive?

[oops13]

This morning, after my earlier posts, I felt like being gone ALL DAY yesterday might have been too cold. When I got up, I was making coffee, so I asked if she wanted some and she did, so I brought her a cup casually (since I was doing it anyways) and I gave her a kiss on the forehead and she smiled real big. Worked on some stuff around the house. She was getting ready to leave, and I had errands to run, so I went to the bathroom, told her I was heading out, and she said ILY and gave me a face-to-chest hug. I told her I loved her too...then I went to run some errands. Heading out to GAL again today, but might take my foot off the gas just a little with that. If I wanted to, I could not be home at all for days. I have a lot of friends, family, hobbies, and interests. I should have some contact with her. I've been in a good mood at least when I see her. Not perfect, but not bad.

That detachment definition leaves some room for caring about her in a masculine way. If I can love on her some but stay "alpha" I think I'll be much happier. I made sure to keep this in mind today when I brought her coffee. I do need to stop hanging onto fluctuations. The not trusting words things is leading me to not believe ILY of course, too.

Shes at church now, which is kind of a new thing, which was one of the things she cited in our ILYBINILWY talk at the beginning of the year. I offered to go, but since she knows I'm apostate she says it makes her uncomfortable. Way back when, she always told me repeatedly it didn't matter. Suddenly it does when she meets her EA/EA-lite person who has so much in common with her that I don't (but things I'd work on if given the chance).

What I have in my head (but shouldn't, but am trying to understand) is if this is a hybrid WAW-WW thing. The guy she's into IMO would not risk his wife/life/career on this. I'm sure hes enjoying it, and maybe they've crossed more lines than I have evidence of, but I also wonder if she sees him as a "template" of someone she wants, not necessarily him, and shut me out for that fantasy - someone like him, but not him, but that might just be me over-analyzing. Maybe it's a one-way or a crush. He's definitely stoking the fire, and I bet he's at minimum trying to cause trouble in the marriage even if he's just "too good of a friend". She's definitely into him or the idea of him of course. Just wonder where she thinks this is going.