180 Counterproductive?

[oops13]

After some sleep and thinking I realize I might still be doing detachment wrong and still being distant. I'm not...fun or bubbly and I will always lose that competition with the OM if I'm doing what I'm doing now. I'm not bad or anything, but hes *fun* and I'm not at that level right now.

I basically spent all day away from the house when yesterday was a huge event for her, but it's the culmination of something she trained for with the OM so I just spent the entire day doing my own thing and congratulated her, but I know it's not something she really wanted to share with me anyways. But in some ways I feel like "my crummy always-indifferent husband wasn't around or excited after my big achievement" is a viable complaint here. For most of the relationship I was the aloof partner and neglected her in some ways to focus on what I thought were the foundational things. Part of her complaints with the relationship months ago were that she felt alone and I didn't love her and help. Not sure how to 180 on some of those without chasing. Trying to temper the house work to where its fair.

I feel like we're toast. I feel better when I'm out and about and away from her. Maybe a bad combo. I need to figure out how to be fun around her since I know the other guy has me beat there in spades. I'm trying to be fine with whatever happens, though. The EA is not out in the open either. It's still just in the phase where I asked about it, she denied.

This might sound odd as well, but I need to actively look for ways to display my backbone, it seems like. I am considering setting boundaries with my family. If she wants this distance/fake separation, then I'd rather go alone when I have family events. I know this will go over like a lead balloon, but can't decide if it's the right thing to do, or overkill. I'm also going to start separating my finances, and tell her that I think going on vacation together is a bad idea at this time.

All this is just venting. I need to tighten up and be more fun and not distant - but detached.