All is well here. Just journalling. I had a nice time yesterday. H was very pleasant and cordial and while I was out with Eldest he took care of Youngest and the dog, and also did a lot of housework for me - changing beds and cleaning floors, etc, which I really appreciated because the puppy is quite high-needs at the moment and domestic standards were slipping a bit. It was kind of him to do that without making barbed comments about how much work the puppy is (that was always something he was worried about, and that the work would fall on him.)
He stayed for a while after I got back, just chatting while I was cooking - about this meeting he had regarding his work and the arrangements for the next few days. I could see he was very anxious and stressed. He could see I was a bit frazzled myself so he said he'd stay on and finish off the cooking if I took the dog out for a walk on my own for half on hour to get some headspace, which I did, and it made me feel much better and I appreciated that a lot.
It wasn't as if he came out and said it, but I did feel he was showing me with his actions that he appreciates all the work I am doing with the kids and in the house and wanted to give me a bit of a breather. Perhaps I am reading too much into it. He's a more of an actions than speaking type of man. And perhaps better DBing would be not to accept any help at all but to show him that I don't need any help from him at all. I could pay a cleaner, for example, and I think I may well do in the autumn when things pick up again for me at work and I am around at home less during the day.
Today has been a lazy morning so far. Baked muffins for breakfast. Plan to take the kids on an outing this afternoon but for now we're just hanging about in front of our screens. I don't let them do that too much - it's one of the new boundaries - but I think an hour on a Sunday morning to veg out is much needed.
It's weird, but though I appreciated the help and cordial conversation with H, and I do feel sorry for him, I was a bit relieved when he went. It feels like work to be around him - work to sustain a conversation and be careful and boundaried. It's only on my own I feel I can truly relax and just be myself without fear of criticism. Perhaps he feels the same.
