It is so easy for me to see things now that I am on the other side. I understand now why a transparency plan is a must. I don't think she has any desire to put your mind at ease. I think she views it as that's your problem if you don't trust her.
The person who cares about the relationship the least controls it and I think you are having a real problem accepting that she is calling the shots.
Your main problem is that you have no or at best weak boundaries to protect yourself and this is causing you to suffer.
