H is continuing to do nice things, some small, things he had done in the past, but I have not seen for months- trying not to take those crumbs! I remind myself that I am not his Plan B! I have not called or texted him, but I do respond to his contact. He is standing closer, hanging around a bit more, finding reasons to call or text....temp checking, I am sure. I will take it for what it is and continue to GAL and 180.
The best thing about trying to 180 is that I feel more like my old self. Over the past few years I had become critical, and a bit negative. Instead of looking for the best in people, I would point out their flaws. Not directly to them, but my comments would usually have some agenda, if you know what I mean. I did not feel good about it, nor did I feel like myself. The more I did it, the more unhappy I would become, and it became a cycle. Today, I am much calmer and more myself. Although I feel as if I am falling apart at times, I am happier with myself and the direction in which I am headed.
Big confession here- I am a snoop. Always have been, it is rooted deep into my childhood and my own parent's divorce. But..... I have worked very hard to stop. Snooping does nothing to help, nor is it beneficial. It brings on more anxiety and questions and only hurts my relationships. it is something H has always complained about. It is not easy to stop, but I am sleeping better and feel an inner strength developing.
