I guess its not coming across in writing. I agree with you on the pain, unfortunately I had to go through it quite quickly as she left the kids with me and had to be strong for them. I did meet someone new, but it never got serious as I started noticing red flags (similar to what I was blinded to with W) that I broke it off before anything serious. W must have found out as she sent text stating she was jealous. Part of it for her was the fact that she didnt like seeing me moving on. After that she started being much nicer and even friendly towards me. This is what made me think R might be possible.
Its a combination of everything, multiple affairs, lying, the not wanting to truely get to the cause of any of our issues, the lack of remorse (at least from what I can see), my new found confidence, the fact that staying with her might mean catching an STD ( and an overall lackluster sex life even before this), her past drug issues, still staying in contact with affair partners, etc....and the fact that we went through all this 5 years ago and havent made any inroads into any issues or problems since the last time she came back......i just dont have it in me to put in another 1-2 years waiting for her to figure herself out, then another 2+ trying to fix a broken marraige (she wants to do the 1st part before working on M). Part of me was holding out hope for a set expectation/outcome. Once I let that part go, all the anxiety and weight seemed to melt away and I havent been at peace this much since high school when I did Tia Chi and meditation (which I recently started doing again)
LOL on the stupid tax, cuz thats what me and my buddy called it as well. Was just lookin for input on this as I know that no getting around this part to see if anyone else was able to reduce theirs. Like I said Im at the point right now that it isnt that big of a deal to me anymore. When it originally came up (mind you she is currently paying me 43/wk under temp orders) it freaked me out and I was in shock. I have since redone my budget and can still be semi comfortable even paying that amount (which will likely be lower anyway).
