Hey, everybody... Haven't been on in quite a while. Everything in my life has been going great. Don't have a lot of time right now, but I'll definitely give you all a full update when I get time. It's definitely been interesting, but everything seems to be working out. Lol...
As we all knew it would! You are a pillar my friend. She put you through the ringer and you kept your kids the priority!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
My last post was from the end of October. We had just come to a temporary custody agreement where she would have the kids every other weekend from Friday after school until Sunday afternoon. First few weekends went fine. After that, she was wanting to pick them up on Saturday instead or would be dropping them off early on Sunday morning or Saturday night. There was always a random excuse as to why she had to. Most were ridiculous or flat out lies. She actually left the kids at school a couple of times on her weekend. First time, she said she fell asleep from taking some flu meds and woke up hours later. The second time she said there was a family emergency. That she was several hours out of town at a hospital because her great aunt's house burned down and she was at the hospital. Funny part is15 minutes after the text, I passed her driving. It was quite funny because she almost broke her neck trying to look away from me so I wouldn't recognize her. Because it's not like I recognize the van and license plate. Lol. The worst part was that there was no attempt to contact me to pick the kids up instead. They were just left there and the school called me to say they hadn't been picked up...
My thought was "Whatever". I would rather the kids be with me anyway. At least I know they're being taken care of then. I quit giving any thought to her actions or let them affect me in anyway. Although I would still get an occasional laugh out of whatever excuse she used to back out of her parenting time. Like I said earlier, Whatever. Just makes her look bad and me look better in the eyes of the court. That and I got to spend more time with the kids. So this continues for a few months. I quit answering her calls and only communicated through text and only responded when necessary. Boy, would that make her mad. But again, Whatever. I was too busy living my life and taking care of myself...
Fast forward to the end of February. I get a random text from W's best friend telling me that my kids were not safe with W and I should stop them from going there immediately. The were supposed to be going there for the weekend in a few days. She goes on to tell me that W has been smoking meth for the past several months and has been doing it in the apartment when the kids were there. There was also a night when she left the kids at her apartment unsupervised at 2 in the morning to be gone for a couple of hours to go buy drugs. I told her friend that this was all hearsay and without proof there was nothing that could be done. She then sent me some pics of W at her place with meth pipes and baggies of drug on tables, couches, etc...
I called my lawyer and he advised me to get an emergency OP preventing the kids from going there. I got it and had to go to court 2 weeks later to either extend it or come up with some other plan. Her friend was subpoenaed and told her story. W also took a hair follicle test (she claimed she was clean) as long as I took one too. Not sure what that was about. Maybe she assumed I would not want to pay for one, would fail, or back out. Not sure, but anyway I passed that thing with flying colors. She did not. At this court hearing, she also agreed to drop her request for spousal support if I dropped the request for child support. (Not sure if it was ever mentioned in earlier threads, buts she wanted spousal support. My lawyer then told me to request child support from her then to counter it). We also changed the visitation. Now she sees them supervised from 4-8 on Friday one week and noon to 6 on Sunday the next week. She's managed to back out of a few of those as well. It hasn't surprised me. My general feeling of her doing this is still Whatever.
The past 6 months I've been GAL like a mothertrucker. School will be done in about 3 weeks and I go on summer break. Looking forward to that. I've been kind of seeing a girl for a while now and that is going great. This is the happiest I've been in years. It took a while to get here, but I'm here. It seemed impossible at first. GAL is really important. Letting go of resentment is really important. Not worrying about what your ex is up to is really important. Focusing on yourself, your needs, and your life is really important. And maybe the most important thing is when the [censored] hits the fan and you feel like things aren't going your way, you just say "Whatever", put a smile on your face, and keep moving forward...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
mtb, great update. I could have guessed her not showing up for her weekends, or even for the supervised visitation. It is so sad what drugs do to a person. I've witnessed it first hand a couple of times. Of course, alcohol isn't much better once it gets its claws into someone. But to see someone medicated and drunk all the time is so sad.
I am so glad you were able to move on from all of this! You are one of the strongest people I've ever known.
Last edited by Steve85; 04/27/1901:02 AM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Meeting with my L this afternoon to come up with a settlement proposal. I really don't want anything from her. I'm just ready to tie up the loose ends. It feels like this process has been going on forever. Filed for D in June 2018. Asking for her name to be taken off the house and I'll keep all our debt. Full custody of the kids. No child support from her and no marital support from me. Not sure if that's feasible, but I guess we'll see what the L says...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Keep there shining for your kids man. I´m really sorry for W, she is lost somewhere. You can´t get her from wherever she is. We know you tried. Be proud of yourself man. You are doing all you have to do.
Thanks, guys. Everyone's support throughout this whole ride has been invaluable. I've learned a lot here. A lot about relationships and a lot about myself...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Got an email from my lawyer this morning. Sending a proposal to her attorney where I would get sole custody and she can continue with supervised visits. I take the house and all the debt. She takes her van and just goes away. No child support. No spousal support. I guess we'll see how it plays out...
I talked to STBXW a few days ago. She disguised it as wanting to talk to the kids. Sent a text saying she was wanting to talk to them and would be calling. I answered. She talked to them for a few minutes and then wanted to talk to me. She spent 20 minutes trying to justify what she did. Trying to say that she wasn't doing drugs and even though she failed the drug test it wasn't what it looked like. Blah blah blah… I just kinda zoned out. She wanted a response, but I didn't give her any. Finally just told her that if she wanted to talk to the kids she needed to because we were about to leave to go to the park (we hadn't planned on going, but after she started talking to me, I made an executive decision that we were and needed to leave soon). A few days later, I got a text from her asking if she was still getting the kids at the planned time. Of course she is. Why wouldn't she? Just another reason for her to try to get a response of some sort out of me. I responded with "Yes". Then I got a longwinded text about "I just wanted to make sure blah blah blah. I did not respond to that one. There was no reason to. I've noticed that it comes in waves. If she makes contact, she tries again soon after. Eventually bringing up some topic trying to get a rise out of me. I used to fall for that trick. Not anymore. I'm too busy enjoying life to play those games...
GAL for tonight is heading out of town for the evening. Got floor tickets to see Tool, one of my favorite bands, tonight with some friends. Got a hotel room and tomorrow off. Gonna be more fun than should be allowed. Hope everyone is doing well and DB'ing their butts off...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
