OK - Hindsight is always 20/20 right? Don't beat yourself up about how things went down with Mary. Take it as a learning point. We had told you that it was a bad idea, but now you know from experience that it was not the healthy route to take. Chalk it up as a life lesson and do better next time.
There is just no way out of this except going inside yourself and doing the internal work - confronting your fears, anger, past decisions, weaknesses, how you talk to yourself etc. There is just no way around it. Nothing external can bring you that peace and detachment and fortify your mind and spirit. It is all an inside job.
Your material circumstances have improved, which is awesome. Now take the time to go inside and learn to accept yourself and find out who you are in that solitude. Also find out where you want to be and what success in life is going to look like for you.
