13 years and 2 kids pt. 5

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

So house was reinspected, and new pictures taken, which look really great. I kinda found myself in a covert contract situation, which is a bit funny since I realized it right when it hit me.

So basically my relationship is not salvable at this point in time, and I have just dropped the rope on it, and decided that we are parents at this point in time - thats fine.

I did some maintenance on the house before the pictures and inspection, and spent several hours in fact making everything top tuned, so the rapport would come out clean. It did, and that was nice. However, my ex never once did thank me for the work I put in - and I actually got irritated, and then it hit me - I didn't do this for her, I did this for me, so I can move on with my life - but mentally, I guess a part of me still did it for the "thank you", and that shows me, that there is still work to do.

Everything will be easier once the house sells im sure. We have too many interactions right now for my liking. I am having a tough time figuring her out since she goes cold and warm, and frankly thats just really hard to navigate. Not because I need anything from her, its just one of my 180s, that I want people around me to feel good, and right now I am focusing on telling my self, that its not my responsibility, people have to take control of their own life, and make their own happiness.

When she is cold, she is extremely arrogant, and that happens quite often right now, so that makes talking financials regarding the house a bit annoying - I do however take the highroad, and just let it pass. I see the light of the end of the tunnel.

My kids are, especially D5, reacting now, and wants us to be together as a family. We try our best to tell her the truth when she has questions, but also we keep on making sure she understands, that this is mommy and daddys choice, and not something she or her brother did, or could have changed. Its the only thing that hurts me now, is to see how they are hurting.

So, we got a meeting coming up next wednesday, and then the house goes on the market again. I have been pulling a bit back from things with ex and the kids lately. Mostly, I dont find myself wanting to be around her right now - its not helping me moving on, having an ex, that one minute wants to talk and the next wants to tell me that everything that ever happened in her life, is my fault - I am just not biting any longer.

Enough about that,

Golf tournament this weekend saturday and sunday, and today lifting, cardio, a massage and then a good nights rest before heading to the course tomorrow morning early.

/h