Have a heart to heart talk with S24. Let him know how, and why, you feel what you do. I believe you have a good relationship with your kids by the sounds of it, so not too big a stretch to share your hurt with them. They are adults and can, and will, understand.
This is obviously a very big deal to you. Therefore, it is a big deal. You are correct you do not need the stress. Ensure those that are most important to you know your reasoning. They will understand. You can always see them another day.
What do you think and feel about S24 inviting OM?
You’ve said it yourself; he is part of their lives, weddings, births, etc... - just not now. So when?
I’m not rushing you. I do see that you know (rational intellect) what has too happen someday, your feelings (irrational emotions) are on another page at the moment. Your beliefs (convictions, faith, soul), not sure yet?
A caution. This line in the sand is putting S24 in the middle - I know they are and have always been in the middle. You are the sane parent, even with adult children; and there’s always an adult in the room - whom is it in the case? Keep leading.
Ensure S24 doesn’t feel that he is, or has to, choose between you and Mom (and OM), even though he kind of is. I’m sure you don’t want S24 having resentment or guilt about making this choice, so do attempt to alleviate that as best you can.
Eventually, you will get to where you are going. Do you have any particular headings? Compassion, forgiveness? That sort of thing?
Each of us walks our path at our own pace, and in our own direction. Everyone’s journey is what is needed for them. You have an opportunity to take a big step out of your comfort zone and make a huge progress - if you choose to. And choice is really what our journey boils down too.
Tad, you are a smart man. Dig deep and stay intellectual for one day, and get through it; leave the emotions at home.
You know what MLC is. You’ve seen the BS, the confusion, the pain, the heartache, and the destruction in far too many lives. Perhaps your actions, the only thing you can really control, can help inspire “better not bitter” for some people - maybe even for you.
You don’t need to be friends with XW or OM. However bitter doesn’t serve your well, and that is for you - not her.
As I said, this is a big deal for you. Don’t make it bigger than it really is. There is obviously, and with good reason, a lot of emotions tied to this - follow something better than fleeting emotions - if your ready.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
