Here is my story, and any advice or help is greatly appreciated.
M: 13 R: 15 S13 S:9 Me: 36 W: 35
Back in 2018, W started to get distant, told her we needed more time together (she works 3rds, me 1st) started blowing off "date nights". Went on trip with BF and her daughters to Virginia for a cheer comp. Took 2 days to even call me or the kids. Needless to say I was pissed off. She came back and the distance kept growing. Fathers day '18 i get not even a happy father's day for kids. I took my ring off and she goes I havent been happy for a long time. Fast forward 2 weeks and we are separating. She says she is staying with her cousin and BF. I started getting suspicious, messaged both BF and cousin, have no idea what im talking about. A week later, I find out their is OM and she is living with him. Here is the kick in the nuts: she would spend the night there, and come home to watch kids in the home while I went to work.
2nd A, 3 separation. I finally initialized divorce. Took about a week to figure out where she was living. Had divorce papers served by court appt rep at the new apartment (when I say it was a [censored] whole....wow!!!). Went for full custody as I didnt know if she was back on her drugs. Fired from medical field for forging fake Rxs for herself. Full blown withdraw seizures and everything. Detox 3 days and no counseling (while the distance was growing paid for her attoney to keep her out of jail b4 I found out there was an A). Currently on probation and should be off end of June. I was awarded temp custody and child support. Kids live with me.
Final court date was supposed to be in March, but we could agree on parenting or child support so it has been put on 90 day hold. She came to discuss the issue and after about 9 months I let go of the hurt feelings I had. I just discovered this site and the 37 rules recently, but put many of them in place during those 9 months. Im assuming what she did was an exit affair if that sounds correct?
Now here is my issue: we are attempting a reconciliation during the 90 days stay on the divorce to see if it is possible. Unfortunately, i dont believe it is as she said the famous ILYBINILWY line and told me that she wasnt attracted to me anymore. Not really an issue as she brought an std back to the marriage (which I have been checked b4 R and have not been physical with her since). After that bit of info, I let go of the rope as i no longer feel i can even try with someone that is not even physically attracted to me. I may not have been perfect H but I treated her great (BF even told me I was to good for her and she will never find another like me).
A month after Dday, i set up GAL's: started working out, running, lost 50 lbs and completed my first 5k in under 30 min beginning of this month. I am at the point that I am more focused on myself and my kids than wanting to try and make this work. I did try to be the lovey H at first, but I decided that I needed to take back my balls from her and be the man I used to be. Reconnecting with new and old friends, met a few new female "friends" which might turn into more once divorce is over.
What I am wondering is how to break the news to her that I am going through with the divorce without making a big scene? Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. thanks
