I hope you're all doing as well as possible. I've been trying so hard to post these last few weeks but it hasn't worked out. I had work deadlines, my daughter's birthday parties (multiple ones), and we just got back from our trip to Europe. I'll respond to the last posts and then I'll share an update.
Ballast, I'm not sure if I can let the Euro guys go! Particularly one of them. I'll share an update about that below. I've been focusing on my daughter as I've done since she was born. Since it's just her and I she gets all of my attention and I love her so much. I wish I could give her a loving father! I agree if our marriages can't be saved under any circumstances it's nice to be clear of ex's and try to have fresh hope. Seems you're making progress in that area! That's admirable you want your daughter as much as possible. She's lucky to have you!
KitKat, thanks for your encouragement. I'm not sure if my husband was chasing but I'm sure he notices that I stopped communicating with him. The thing is that he used to call me a lot and complain about stuff and try to talk and if he was single that'd be fine since it might open doors to reconciliation. Now that I know his girlfriend lives with him in our house I can't do that anymore. It's just too hard and not fair so I feel that ending communication is the only option at this time.
Bo, I hope to find someone again if it's possible. I've been trying to hard to be the best I can be....overall I've rebuilt my life and I have a solid career and I'm dedicated to my daughter and together we have many friends and activities but there'll always be that void even though it can be filled in many ways. It's really strange that parents can leave their kids for so long. I can't really imagine it. I'd love to try having my daughter stay overnight with her dad or with a friend but not longer than that! It's great that your take your kids and that you're the stable parent for them. You have a healthy attitude and you're a great dad. This will be really attractive to women that you might meet in the future!
Davide, yes detachment gets better with no communication. I can see how it's easier to find a partner with a rich life. I hope your journey is going well. I'll read and respond to your thread as soon as possible! I do want to be open to new possibilities although it would be hard to dive into anything. It'll have to be very slow.
Manta, thanks so much for checking in. I will respond to your thread soon too.
Update: I had a fun time planning my daughter's birthday parties and then we just got back from a great trip to Northern Europe. The trip helped a lot - prior to leaving I was really stressed and felt weighed down by everything. It was great to go there and see old friends and familiar places...to breath fresh and air and spend eight to ten hours per day outdoors with beautiful scenery. I'm hoping to go back in a few weeks and to figure out a longer term plan to live there part-time.
During the trip I met the guy from work. It was great! As I've mentioned in the past I don't want to date him since he's younger and has no kids. I just wanted to enjoy our time together so we had lunch with my daughter (I couldn't find a babysitter and he said he wanted to meet her) and we talked about work, the great life in his country, our mutual friends, etc.. He's dating someone and I told him about my situation and everything was great. Originally I didn't see him as someone I'd have as a long term friend but now I feel we're real friends and we'll continue to cross paths.
Then there's the other guy I had met online last year who is going through the same situation we're all dealing with here on this forum. After we were in touch in February he stopped responding and disappeared as I wrote in my last update. I was telling my friends in his country about it and they encouraged me to contact him. Initially I didn't agree because why would I try to contact someone who's not interested? Then towards the end of the trip I felt really uncomfortable but I sent him a message to say hi and that I was there in his city. He responded right away with messages and photos and asking about my schedule. He said he'd been thinking of me a lot (in my mind I was like seriously? He knew I was coming and he knew it was my birthday and he didn't write so how could he have been thinking about me?). It seems he'd been waiting for me to make a move. Apparently this is somewhat common in his culture? We decided to meet up a day later. I had no one to watch my daughter and he had no one to watch his kids so we planned a family excursion to an island. Normally this wouldn't be appropriate but there was no other choice. My daughter didn't behave well but we spent the day together. We were mainly focused on our own kids but I think our attraction was mutual (and actually immediate). He sent a lot of compliments after our meeting and he wants to meet again soon. It's complicated because he's just as traumatized about his partner leaving for another man as I am about my husband and we both are single parents to young kids. I think if we are cautious and communicate carefully we can see how it goes. More than anything it'd be nice to have a friendship with someone who's dealing with the same situation who is also a potential partner but not an immediate partner. I think being long distance is an advantage because it helps us to focus on our kids and every day life and we can see how things evolve.
Overall my thoughts are mixed about meeting someone new. Meeting someone new creates new risks but it's also probably the ultimate step towards moving on. There is the possibility of moving on and then his partner returns to him or my husband returns to me and then we're caught in the dilemma of hurting the new person vs. risking getting hurt again by the one who left us. I do think there's a strong chance my husband will return within five or ten years and our daughter will still be quite young and we could give her a family again if he's ready to completely reform himself but it'll be hard. Knowing he brought his girlfriend to live in the house that we built as a family makes it a lot harder to think about trying again. I encourage anyone here who has no idea why their husband or wife left to seek the truth. In my case it helped to erase the ambiguity. I can't say it made things easier but it facilitated the decision to stop talking.
I hope I can respond to your threads. I will see if I can stay awake tonight. I have some jet lag but if not tonight I'll try for the weekend!
