This sounds quite similar to my last conversation with dh in France. I was telling my friend about it and she said maybe he was behaving that way to push me away. I also have issues with wanting to look after my dh and him pushing back on it, I'm also conscious that I don't want to do it as a way of earning love or people-pleasing, but because I love him and care about him. That's very difficult isn't it? Particularly since looking after someone can come across as over-eager and also controlling (I can see that in my mum's behaviour over the years, I don't want to be like that but it's only human to want to nurture people you love isn't it?)
My IC also said I make a lot of allowances for my dh and for his behaviour and my reactions to his behaviour, and I can see this a bit here with you. Actually my dh was better behaved during his busy time at work despite being stressed out and working hard, and his behaviour has slipped a bit since he finished, possibly due to exhaustion and possibly due to a hangover from all the adrenaline (plus possibly a real hangover...). So don't get your hopes up too much that things will change that quickly.
I think you need a break from him, he's no use to anyone right now and maybe it's just making things worse between you. I hope your day got better!
