You are receiving some really good advice, suggestions, and cautions.
Bomb drop is a pretty darn traumatic event for the LBS, as well as everyone else within the large blast radius. The rug has been pulled out from under you, without warning, without consult; a Left Behind Spouse is pretty mixed up for a while, a perfectly normal response.
Our hurt hearts and minds search for answers. Frantically! (Remember just breathe, you’ve got lots of time)
We can, and will, see signs, positive ones when we are looking for positive signs, negative when we are looking for negative. Our minds are attempting to rationalize what is going on, to make sense of it all. One really needs to have patience and be still, answers will come. This is a large and complex situation you are in, the scope of what you are working on understanding is fairly big; you’ll get there, it will take a while however.
Your hurt heart and mind, your very instincts of what to do, how help her, how to make this better, how to fix this - these thoughts and feelings have served you well in life up to this point, they won’t now. Counterintuitive, like I said before.
Focus on you and your kids.
You have some fantastic questions from posters. Seek a lawyer, find out your credit, your true financial standing, your assets, your debt, seek any hidden accounts. This is not a witch hunt. It is getting your bearings, figuring out exactly where you stand.
You will feel better once you have answers to those questions that have been posed from the caring people here. You might not like the answers; however you will feel better. You are seeking - this gives your mind something to do, it is helpful to your situation, and it focuses on you and your kids needs.
We are here for you bdp.
We know the path you walk.
Stay strong.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
