When I came home I apologised to him, then listened and validated as he went on a 20 minute lecture about my faults as a human being
Alison - this is not validating. This is you allowing him to walk all over you, and from what you've written over the past few weeks it sounds like emotional abuse.
You make excuse after excuse for him. He was drinking. He's stressed. You approached him wrong. You aren't caring for him enough. You're caring for him too much.
Why do you value his emotional well-being over your own? The fact that he is stressed at work? Not a valid reason.
Your recent post points some of this out, and I hope you do start to pull back from him. I don't want this tension to continue to build between the two of you. We want you happy, healthy, and building a fantastic AlisonUK life.
