Thanks Marc Pa for sharing you're experience and all of your insight. You have been really helpful to serve as a reminder that we are not the only ones hurting, and it is not only about just our POV at times.
You are right. Both our IC's have said similar things about not really having the tools and the proper coping mechanisms to deal with these communication and relationship issues during those times.. Like yourself, eventually I became ok with my own forgiveness, the one sided blame and pity. I made friends with "the wolf" and let that go. But the thing I can't seem to let go is my capacity to change. I change very slowly from prior experience. But I know I need to take the info, and just do it immediately. Not tomorrow, not next week, not 6 months from now. Just now. Small goals one week at a time. Medium goals several months at a time. The introspective persona stuff and relationship stuff I can work on. The behavioral stuff is a little more challenging for me, but I'm getting better at it.
Its the management, balance, and follow through of life that concerns me. Finances, prioritizing, GAL time, work time, child time, family time, etc... You see, my W knows this knowing me for 12 years, me being vulnerable at times, and her being a behaviorist, that although I am very intellectual, bright, and creative, the learning disability has its way of sabotaging my self esteem sometimes , affecting my managenent, executive functioning and balance of things, leading to incompletion of tasks at times, anxiety under certain types of deadline pressure, multiple job loss, many prior relationship loss, and some of the expectations that come of them. Its my truth and partially my self fulfilling prophecy that I have been left in EVERY RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF IT. But that's ok. That's going to be my next challenge in life. Finding my own balance independently. Maybe I might surprise her? Maybe I might surprise myself? I know through the pain and experience I will definately grow from it. If she eventually comes back around someday, great, if not, great...lol... I know myself just well enough to know what I have to work on and change, and I know well enough what W has to work on as well, whether she wants to admit it to me or not. If it is still up for considerstion for me in the future, I will be qualifying her just as much as she will be qualifying me.
I know I am mostly normal like every one else here including yourself going through this. I appreciate you sharing that with me. I can also sympathize with your W as I have a form of ADD and BPD characteristic on a small level. The part where you mention about on focusing what I am losing. The way it started, as I'm confident how it started for most people on here, is we all focus on what we are losing initially, but then?...As we transition, we get at that in between place where we constantly vascilate between going backwards to the past of what and how we knew, and the future of what we look forward to and how we want to be.
I'm really glad that you form connections easily with other people. In a natural at it, its just maintaining it. Im like a mayor. I'm a horse that's great out of the gate, but not much on the long stretch. Maybe it takes more effort on my part, and maybe it takes just a white person in my life, or both? Who knows? Again thanks, and I hope your sich improves for the better, either alone or together. Can anyone tell here that my Love Language is words and physical affection?..lol
