P_J- count yourself lucky, you are getting gold-plated advice from the heavy hitters. LISTEN TO THEM.
Originally Posted by P_Jam
I will not be in an open relationship.
This is a laughable "boundary" to your W. In her eyes she isn't in an R with you, open or otherwise. So she fully intends to breach this boundary at every opportunity with her GGW behavior. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? Because a boundary is worthless without consequences. So you establish a boundary, your W tramples it and you do nothing. How do you think that makes you look to her? She already had no respect for you. Don't make it worse.
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I will not consider us 'working' on this while she is with OP.
YOU work on YOU. You're still trying to work on an M that one of you sees as dead.
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She'll want the stability of H/family as well as fantasy of OP. So it's about reminding her that I'm not an option right now. <-- and I know I have to show it through actions.
Yes, exactly right. I know it's difficult to implement but you've really got to let go of your constant desire to "straighten her out" through words and instead focus on your actions. She doesn't believe your words, and won't believe your actions until she sees them consistently for months and months.
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Hopefully, there are multiple losses. But PA starts to go sideways?
Not on your radar. YOU and your KIDS are your concern. Let her sow her wild oats, you can't control her.
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Realizes that we are equally responsible (or close) to the failure of relationship?
No, probably not for many months or (more likely) a year or even years.
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I only hope and if it turns out that there is really no return on her side in that time, then I won't have the conversation.
The others have said this to you several times, but the ONLY convos you should have with her are kid-related unless and until the day in the distant future she comes to you with repentance and a humble heart asking forgiveness and wanting to work on things. But you have got to do a whole lot of detaching first.
