Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife #2

[P_Jam]

LH, Steve, Sandi,
Please know I do appreciate you taking the time to continue to counsel me even when it seems I'm not listening. I promise I do not mean to ignore you. As this is so counter-intuitive and I'm a very intuitive person (always have been) it just makes me look thick. I'm not.

I don't disagree with ANYTHING above accept maybe the timeline - and admittedly this may only be denial.

In defense of IC, he agrees with 99% of everything I have shared in regards to advice from this board. Accept the timeline. His only disagreement is that it may be possible to break the fog sooner through openness and vulnerability. That being said; I've already informed him that I trust the board more in regards to current feedback and I don't believe that any talk can happen until she wants to come back to me (at least a little). To clarify, we all agree that there has to be some loss and recognition (her coming to me) from her side before any openness and vulnerability. DB says that this can't happen until full/complete u-turn by WW. So, there are a lot of things that can happen either way in the next 3 months. That is why I'm holding off to test the waters between DB and IC. And I'm sure we will talk about it multiple times between now and then. I have more important things to deal with in IC (NGS).

The talk: I do agree. I would not have had the talk and really did not initiate it (or at least didn't mean to). The call was originally ONLY to discuss birthday (which I explained above). She drew me in with the pictures, etc. Having that talk saved the birthday and at least the next 15-30 days of interaction with her in regards to the kids. <-- so I'm just saying it seemed worth it for this. The fact that the call 'felt good' to me in regards to re-setting boundries and reminding her how much she hurt me - I realize was wrong and really not good overall. No matter how I felt at the time, it didn't help. Point taken.

In hindsight its very possible that she went this route (not only because of the text) but because I had been doing a decent job of DB'ing the last . Obviously the pictures affected her, same with the door closed (she's wondering). She may or may not have said anything if didn't send that horrible text. She did not lead on that ANY of this bothered her (or was even noticed) when we were spending time together that day. She just really hit me where it hurts... with having the kids in the middle. And I gave her that power by sending the text.

I also just know that 'letting go' is going to be very hard for me in general. Maybe harder than others. In crisis I can be a bit controlling (duh). That being said; I"m having a very hard time figuring out how/if I was controlling in our relationship. It was not one of her mentions and even though I know I try to control things I really cant seem to isolate where I was this controlling in the R (other than NGS) covert contracts, pouting, unavailable - but generally I do not believe I controlled her (like I want to now). Anyway... working on it all!

Thanks again!