180 Counterproductive?

[oops13]

I am in the situation of having received the ILYBNILWY in January after noticing distance and asking. I took notice of the list of deficiencies in my behavior (blame shifting?) and turned on my heel and have made changes. She recognizes this and says she "cant give me reassurances" and that she is "suffocating and needs space". I was mostly keeping it cool for a couple of months, but in March I had a bad few days, fell apart with anxiety and insecurity, and we ended up sleeping in separate rooms for a couple of weeks after she demanded space. Following this, we had a false start at MC when the counselor gave up in the second week. We had enrolled in individual counseling at the same time. I tried to find a new MC but it was met with resistance because she wanted to continue individual sessions for a while first.

It seemed that while things were unraveling things were also normal. She said she wanted to work on it and was still kind of tender at times but distant at times too. Sex is banned and I'm back in the bedroom "with that boundary". It seems her individual counselor is digging up new resentments and things just seem worse. I've been detaching but I think it might be backfiring.

In the background, I'm 95% sure there is an EA with a coworker that probably got hot in December. When asked, this was denied and blame shifting seems to occur. I don't want to snoop and be consumed with it, but any space I create, he is just going to fill.

How do I balance "I want to work on it" and some affection and normalcy before I started to withdraw myself with the now very cold feeling now that I'm withdrawing? Is 180 overkill right now if at least on the surface she seems to want to fix things? When last asked if she's ready to just end it, she said "no we are not ending anything" but she feels checked out since I started 180.

Also, I have not yet read DR, since we share a bank account I need to find a way to get my hands on it. The list was recommended to me by a therapist.