As long as there is any type of affair, she is in replay. Your situation is similar to many of us here. I was caught off guard as well, as everything seemed "normal" even the day before BD. My advice is to stop guessing which stage she is in. You will only fool yourself and drive her away by guessing and trying to strike when the iron is hot. I was certain my W had come out of replay, we reconciled for a month and it ended in disaster. This was especially true for the children, who witnessed a breakup, reconciliation, and another breakup.
Focusing on words she says will only harm/consume you. Believe 0% of what she says and 50% of what she does. Words and actions will often be discordant.
Figure out what YOU want, and go from there. Any path you choose will be filled with a mix of emotions. You have to give her space and time regardless of what you want.
Work on yourself. She does not want you in her life. It's hard to accept but it's the truth. Find a way to focus and don't slip at work. For me it was the gym, church and my children. You will be a different person and prepared, regardless of the outcome.
Reconciliation can only come after she completes her MLC, it will take a very long time.
