New here. My old thread "A Real Mess" describes our situation. I had been very emotionally abusive to my wife for over 10 years, as we both grew up with that environment. She has had 3 affairs during that time - and I have been working for the last 18 months to try and put the marriage back together.
We saw our CC this morning, and he was basically calling her out to stop being ambiguous about what she wanted to do.
She finally admitted she can't heal in our marriage environment anymore. She admitted she can't see spending the rest of her life with me. She wants a divorce.
But not until she gets a full time job and she can provide for herself. Ironic as I just started DB'ing her last week and she was noticing. For the last year and a half, I'll admit I was doing all the wrong things. I made the changes, but would ask if she could see them. I served the hell out of our family which I hadn't done before. Cleaning house, doing laundry, making lunches & dinners, lots I hadn't done.
So, I guess my question is, do I hold out hope here? I know I should be GAL and detaching. I think my wife was shocked I didn't explode during the session. Our CC cut off any more couples sessions. I validated her feelings and told her I understood.
What next?
First of all. Deep breaths. Breathe. Calm down. They all get there. My W said those things to me on Bomb day. She was sure. Didn't want to be married to me anymore. Didn't have any attraction to me. Said I was like X to her (X being a guy we both know that she has no attraction for at all).
10 weeks later she couldn't keep her hands off of me, all thoughts of Ding were gone, and we started piecing and going to MC. The one thing that WWs are consistent about is that they are wildly inconsistent. So yes, right now she feels that way. Tomorrow she could be telling you she wants to recommit to the marriage.
What next? Stay the course. Focus on you. GAL. Detach. Keep up the 180s. The one thing that will seal your fate is slipping back into old behaviors.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
