I am glad you had a good time with, and hugs and kisses from, S21 and D19. That means more to them then they will show or they even know - yet.
Originally Posted by Grace21
The only downside of seeing the kids is the 2 hours each way in the car. Too much time to think. I played all kinds of music, but thoughts of H kept creeping in. How is he spending his Easter? Is he with OW? Then I had fleeting thoughts of jealousy. He's got someone, and I miss having someone! Why would I be jealous of a relationship like that? This is not a strong feeling, and I've only had it once or twice before. But.....
Just another thing to work out.
You are doing very well. You really are. Acceptance and understanding are growing, it shows in the questions. It really shows in the unsaid answers. Be patient, it is coming.
“Then I had fleeting thoughts feelings of jealousy.”
Perhaps, that is more accurate. It is a small thing, with big effects. You know, and realize the thoughts of H that crept in. Realize the feelings that also creep in. They are not controllable, or easily banished. This is something specific you should think about - intellectually, without emotion. Jealousy, uncouple the irrational feeling and the event.
A very good question. “Why would I be jealous of a relationship like that?”
Originally Posted by Grace21
I don't want to be locked up in a prison. I want to live freely. My over-attention on H is keeping me locked up. The door may be propped opened occasionally and I get a breath of fresh air, but I want to breath that air every day, all day.
I believe I will get there.
I'm looking forward to arriving.
You are getting there. (((Grace)))
Indifference is coming Grace. It is strange. Realize your feelings, and remember they are fleeting. Know your beliefs.
Forgiveness is not a step near the end of the path. It can happen at any point. It proceeds acceptance. One cannot accept if one still hasn’t forgiven. Anger, jealousy, fear, and so on, will all find themselves in the rear view mirror at that point. Like everything, forgiveness, compassion, and understanding comes and goes, growing with each cycle.
You have lots of time. That is really a gift.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
