Uncertain of What I Have (Thread 8)

[Hurt213]

Hi B,

Drop the rope, throw it on the ground, and find a path that suits your personal needs and goals. Thats what important now.

I informed my kids, well my D5 (S2 has no idea what is up and down anyways), about our coming split, and basically I think it went as well as I could had hoped for. So here are my thoughts on the matter.

1. Do not by any means try and make this a blame game (we are splitting up and its all moms fault because she is a btch....) This is not your kids battle, and never should be.

2. Allow your kids to be curious, sad, happy, exited and whatever else comes to them, when they hear what is going on.

3. In extension of advice 1: Do instead of playing the game of blame, focus on the fact that you are two loving parents, and you always will be. You will always be there for them.

For my own situation, we informed our daughter that we are always her parents, that we love her so very very much, and that will never change. We are no longer in love, and will be moving to two separate houses in the near future, where she will have her own room, and that she will be living with both daddy and mommy but not at the same time. She and her brother will still be together every day, and it is going to be a new experience, but a good one.


She had a lot of questions, and we tried our very best to answer them, and still do when they pop up. I dont have any day to day convo with my ex any longer, but we are very good communicators when it comes to our daughter and son, and I will never change that.

So does that mean that we had a blissful ending to our relationship? god no, the woman cheated on me and left me half dead in the ditch when I was sick and needed her the most - but that is not for my kids to deal with - I dealt with that, by dropping the rope, I threw it on the ground, and I found a new path, a path towards a future I want, a future I can't wait to be living. A future involving me and my kids, and also that horrible ex of mine, because - she is the mother of my children, and she always will be - because of that, I will always talk about her with my utmost respect when my children have questions.

I was so afraid in the days leading up to the talk with my daughter, but when it was done, I felt a relief, because it was the ultimate marking of my new life as well. No more acting about the situation, no more making up stuff in regards to why ex wasn't around. I love honesty, even though honesty can also come in moderations (kids are on a need to know basis, as I said - its not their drama). Now honesty can be a big part of our daily lives again, and thats gold for me.

Onwards, upwards and one day at a time.