FIL is still under sedation. I don't know much as H has not really spoken about it. I don't know if this is because he is processing, or he doesn't want to show me any weakness. From what I can gather there is blood entering his lungs so they have a tube which periodically clears it out and his heart is still too weak so they have to try and limit the work it normally does. They did wake him briefly but he went into a panic and started trying to pull the tube out of his throat. When he is stronger, they will probably have to do a heart bypass and it is unlikely he will ever have the strength he once had (I got the last part from FIL's best friend who is also our builder).
I just re-read my last journal entry and Alison and Dilly's responses and realised I was not completely honest in my writing. I was annoyed H went out Sunday night and it was more than because he could have come to see the girls. When he said he was going out, a big red angry neon sign appeared in my head that said "he is going out with her". I don't actually know if that is true, but he didn't want me to know - it was only after someone suggested he car share with his brother to the hospital that he had to mention it, and he looked away when he said it, then his eyes darted to my face. All I could think was you're still manipulating me.
Thing is I don't know if he went on a date or not. It could be he went out with a buddy who was a catalyst in the separation in the first place. EA aren't always with someone of the opposite sex. It can be someone who listens and validates and over the years feeds their resentment "ball and chain", and "she's such a [censored]", "she's out of line", "let's have another drink - F her".
Later, perhaps in retaliation, I booked the holidays and sent him very matter of fact texts "FYI - I am taking the girls from XX to XX" and then "Also, I am going away the week you have the girls. I will sort out dog sitting for [the dog]". There was some tooing and frooing about the dog sitter (he wants his mum to look after her, but I had already booked the sitter by then). Later that evening he did not call as he normally does (too busy being out).
I have withdrawn again. Two steps forward, one step back. This lovingly detached is hard.
