Persistent Endurance (Part 3)

[sandi2]

Can you give some examples of the validation you gave her?

I’m struggling with how to come off as bright, cheery, and upbeat around the woman that is actively cheating on me. I’m able to pull it off often, but I fail to do it consistently and she knows me well enough to sense my mood when I’m unable.

If you have the mindset that you need to be bright and cheery to impress her feelings about you, then I think it could come across as a little fake to her. If you feel good about yourself and accomplishing some goals that have nothing to do with her, then maybe it won't be such a struggle. Feeling good about yourself is one of the reasons we promote GAL, working out, eating healthily, setting goals, etc.

Your life, your behavior/actions cannot be all about her. You cannot get good enough that will impress the WW to save the MR. Not after she's crossed the affair line. When all is said & done, it doesn't matter how much you clean house or cater to her needs.......it won't change her heart. That's the trouble with some marriage books/programs out there on the market. They are trying to sell the idea that if you start showing her how much you care and basically try to do the things you should have done long before her heart turned cold, then it will draw her back. The reason it doesn't work, is b/c she has to respect him before her heart changes. Lack of respect is the heart of waywardness. And, before he can get her respect, he has to have a healthy dose of self-respect.

The saying that gets passed around the board......"Be a man only a fool would leave".......is misunderstood by a lot of H's who have a wayward W. I googled the definition of fool, and here's the results: (as a noun) a person who acts unwisely or imprudently; a silly person. (as a verb) trick or deceive (someone); dupe. (as an adjective) foolish; silly.

So.....either way you look at it, the WW seems to fit the description of a fool.