I started to make plans with friends, joined a gym, and put on a happy face. I told him I was going to a friends to visit for a few days. He seemed annoyed, but told me to have fun. I wasn't on the road for an hour and he began texting me. He texted me throughout my trip and I replied with short responses, and not immediately as I normally do.
Good. Keep up these sort of activities, and yes his reaction was normal. He is up to shady behavior and like all men engaging in affairs it has made him hyper paranoid that you are up to the same.
Quote
BOOM! I found an email that confirmed my biggest fear. The email described that he would be out of the office traveling. This was the same day I left for my friend's house. He told me he was working on that day, so now I know he was with her. I remember him spending an awful long time getting ready that morning, which leads me to believe that this relationship has turned physical. It is probably not the first time.
Yes you are more than likely correct, and you are also probably correct that it wasn't the first time. Of course he lied about it, he's a lying cheater and that's exactly what they do. Expect lies on top of lies, and also expect lies about anything and everything, even really minor stuff.
Quote
The other part of me wants to tell him I can't continue to be his friend as he is involved with someone else, it hurts too much. That our relationship deserves to be treated with respect. That I love him enough to let him go.....
Listen to that part of yourself. That should be your attitude, as long as he is going to engage in nefarious behavior and lie to your face about it then you want nothing to do with him. You are high value and he is not. Lying cheaters are a dime a dozen. High quality, faithful people are not. If he wants you back he needs to show it through some pretty serious actions.
Quote
I feel if H wanted to work things out with me he would be making an effort. If he truly wanted to work on our marriage he would be begging for my forgiveness.
EXACTLY. But first he has to hit rock bottom, and that might take a while.
Quote
I am also becoming concerned about my husband's habits. He is a recovering addict. He has been drinking more and more lately, and I have found hidden beer cans around. He is chewing tobacco and nicotine gum. His computer history shows that he haas been watching porn as well. These habits are all very familiar to me and I fear he is spiraling. We have been here before. Last time it lead to pain med abuse and he lost his job. I stood by and supporting him through his recovery and he told me I saved his life. I almost feel as if the affair is related to his addictions. The feeling he gets from the affair is feeding his addictive personality.
That could very well be true. Is he in IC? He needs to be.
Quote
I am not going to confront him at this point because I think it will only bring conflict and make matters worse. I have considered contacting his sponsor as he is also a friend.
So normally we say not to talk to friends and family because the WAS will see that as "rallying the troops against them". However, if you think he's in danger then that would be a case where you should set your DB'ing aside for a while and try to get him help however you can. If you do talk to the sponsor then stress you are not looking for help to save the M, you are just contacting him because you are concerned about your H's health.
