Persistent Endurance (Part 3)

[curtis7]

Validation will be met with a variety of responses. However, when a spouse is looking for a way out, they will blame EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. Including validation. Look, with validating it is a darned if you do and darned if you don't. If you don't validate then you don't understand her feelings. If you do you've been coached and are being clinical. So here is where it turns on its head.........

Detachment is very simple. Detachment is not reacting emotionally to what she says or does.

So validate her FOR YOU. Not for her. Whether she likes it. Whether she doesn't. The validation is so you a) do not get in a tit-for-tat with her and b) it prevents you from saying things you shouldn't say.

Steve,

Understood, in my case and where she’s at, validation prevents the escalation of conversations by keeping my emotions out of it. It keeps me from being drawn into talks that will likely turn south and be steps in the wrong direction from detachment.

Question for you, I’ve been reading many sitches recently and recall reading a post from you on a hypothetical for a LBH ready to give up along the lines of what if a few months from now W ended the A, then a few months later she started to work on the MR, and within a year the two of you were back together. I can’t find it now, does this ring a bell and do you have a link to the post?