When she came over, she came inside and was receiving texts from OM2 when I was standing there talking to her. She stopped what she was doing to reply to him. I had enough of that and felt it was time to establish a boundary. We then had the following conversation over the next few minutes where I remained calm and confident:
I agree with LH that it's a weak, undefined, hard to enforce boundary. If you're going to have a boundary about texting then just make it texting in general, not specifically OM because then you've got to snoop over her shoulder to see WHO she's texting (and that is not DB'ing). So if you're having a convo with her and she starts texting, just tell her "I would appreciate it if you would wait until we're finished to text."
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W: “You’re paranoid, there is no other guy.” H: “Really? You were texting other men for the last month that you were living here.” W: “It wasn’t another guy, it was BFF.” (I saw OMs initials on her screen when she was standing next to me) H: “What about the guy texting you pictures of his truck last week when I was saying goodbye to the kids in your car?” W: “He’s just a friend.” H: “Okay, yes, a friend.”
If you know this for a fact then just reply "We both know that's not true" and then walk away. Don't get drawn into "he said/ she said" conversations with her. But if you know then why talk about it. There's no point. Don't bring it up.
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H: “Tell me more about how you feel we should interact.” W: “We’re parents and need to communicate about the kids. H:“Yes, we are and that’s about all we communicate about since you moved out.”
She is 100% right, your convos should ONLY be about the kids.
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H: “If you ever want to talk about anything I’m here to listen."
Don't invite her to talk. If she talks then listen and validate. If she doesn't then just discuss the kids and that's it. When you say things like this it's just pressure, and right now she wants zero pressure. I'm not saying be cold/ rude/ indifferent. LOVINGLY detach. The idea is to keep the road home paved and smooth, but you don't throw a winch on her bumper and try to drag her down the road.
