So easter vacation is coming to an end - We have been following our normal parental-schedule, so I got the kids on friday, and have been spending the weekend doing things around the house, so we can get every last penny out of the coming sale (No, she doesnt have to pull the entire load, the D is happening, and I have embraced the fact that it is, so I have no problems with doing some of the "manly" maintenance stuff around the house in order for a higher market value).
Today I finished up the final maintenance stuff early in the morning, so that me and the kids could just have a day with nothing but US time. We went to the zoo and had a great day with lots of laughs. Kids are just relaxing on the couch after a bath, and will be ready for bed soon.
I was going through some folders with shared paperwork yesterday, when my kids were sleeping, and was dividing it into me and ex folders. I came across a bunch of birthday cards, and I just realized how far down the rabbit hole I was with my depression. I had taken an A4 piece of paper, and wrote "Dear "ex". Happy 30th birthday. Today is YOUR special day... Love Hurt and D5"
It was actually a gut punch to see that card. I can't undo the past, and thats not what this is about really - I realized by seeing that, how little energy I actually invested into her (I acknowledge that depression is the worst thing that I have ever had to deal with, and I am so glad that I got the help and came out on the other side, sitting here today content and happy for my future to come).
I actually said out loud in the office "Oh my god, no wonder she wasn't happy". I couldn't even muster to buy a proper birthday card, for the person who gifted me two children, and stood by me - at least she did until she didn't anymore .
I blame her for the way she left, but seeing how little I was able to put into the relationship, I perfectly understand how nobody could feel appreciated in it.
I am wiser, I have done my 180s, and I am post depression. I can't wait to find that special person out there, who appreciates me, who wants me, and with whom I can share feelings, thoughts and life as it happens. I hope my ex has found that as well, even though that mind sound bizarre.
Just thoughts passing though my head.
BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018. EA: June 2018 PA: August 2018 - ongoing Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.
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