Ok weak boundary set. What are the consequences if/ when she breaks it?
The consequence is that I ask her to leave my house.
Her response to my validation over the past few weeks was interesting. Do WW’s typically shutdown most conversation when their statements are met with validation? It’s literally down to kid talks only and nothing else of substance. Is this to be expected for a while until she feels a void and wants to open up more or will this disconnection continue to grow?
I ask because I wasn’t a great conversationalist prior to BD. Improving that was one of my 180s, but it is gone completely since she moved out.
I’ve reached 100 posts!! The saying is right that things have to get worse before they get better. I went back and read all of the posts on my threads since joining and I see very few positive signs in my R, mostly deterioration. I need to continue applying the principles properly and working on myself. The latter I feel I’ve done a good job on. Not losing hope and praying my next 100 posts contain more positive results.
Validation will be met with a variety of responses. However, when a spouse is looking for a way out, they will blame EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. Including validation. Look, with validating it is a darned if you do and darned if you don't. If you don't validate then you don't understand her feelings. If you do you've been coached and are being clinical. So here is where it turns on its head.........
Validate her FOR YOU. Not for her. Detachment is very simple. Detachment is not reacting emotionally to what she says or does.
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Her response to my validation over the past few weeks was interesting. Do WW’s typically shutdown most conversation when their statements are met with validation? It’s literally down to kid talks only and nothing else of substance. Is this to be expected for a while until she feels a void and wants to open up more or will this disconnection continue to grow?
I ask because I wasn’t a great conversationalist prior to BD. Improving that was one of my 180s, but it is gone completely since she moved out.
This is NOT detachment. This is the opposite of detachment.
So validate her FOR YOU. Not for her. Whether she likes it. Whether she doesn't. The validation is so you a) do not get in a tit-for-tat with her and b) it prevents you from saying things you shouldn't say.
Talking ONLY about the kids is perfect for your sitch right now. In fact, I'd suggest it. Certainly worrying about who she is texting is not detachment, I don't care where she is. Let her go to get her back.
You got this man.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
