Story and Symptoms of MLC/WAW Part 2

[gzabetas]

I seem to have a different opinion in regards to placing blame on the LBS.
Certainly in some member's cases they were controlling, had anger etc.
But there many of us that were always looking to make them happy. And still failed due to their inner past trauma.

My previous long relationship was raped when she was young and always saw me as the enemy.
SHe left me for another man, who I read recently comited suicide. I can only think of how much guilt she must have been throwing at this man, making him feel responsible for all her emotional pain. There is so much one can take.

Our common IC told me that the reason the current wife picked me was exactly because she saw me as a father figure, someone who could make her pain go away. But all my efforts failed. Her will was stronger than mine.,

There is a scene in "Midnight Express" where the hero is going around a wheel somewhere in a Turkish prison where most have lost their mind. An intelligent professor / patient explains to him that they are both in the right place, since they are broken machines. It didnt matter that he was intelligent, he had rationalized his failure.
The hero snaps and tells him he is not broken, and he knows cause he comes from the factory that makes the machines. (something to that effect) And he leaves.

So in regards to allowing our spouses to find their happiness, I agree, let them go.
But dont assume we were the problem in their finding their hapiness

For example read my case below:.

My wife first came on to me and called me first. She had told her friends she would be so happy if went out.

Then her happiness was about her moving in with me. Again her choice when she lost her apartment.

Then she wanted marriage to be happy. Not my choice either.,

Then she was envious of all her friends that had kids. Even though she had gynecological problems I paid a ton of money so we can have a kid. This was her happiness she said.

She wanted me to spend more time with them to be happy. I did just that. Abandoned all my friends. And I feel bad saying this but she had me not talk to my family either.

I paid for IC for her cause she wasnt happy. I also paid for her gym membership cause she wasnt happy.
She met another man there. Now she is happy.

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So I kind of disagree with the notion of "finding yourself". As Sandi has mentioned its usually BS to allow them to run into the sunset with OM.

There is this great line by comedian Sebastian Maniscalco when he told his dad he needs to go find himself.
His dad told him. "What you say. I find you. You are right here in front of me. Now go get a job. "