Persistent Endurance (Part 3)

[curtis7]

Been a little while since I posted, no major developments as I’m almost 3 weeks into physical S with WW. I thought I’d give a quick update on some interaction with her today. I was out of town for the weekend GAL. Returned home early this morning and picked up the kids from her house to go to an Easter service and celebration. It was my first time at her place and I stood at the door. She said I could come in. I took one step in and waited in the foyer for the kids to gather their stuff. I really had no interest going farther into a place my W likely uses to have sex with OM.

She texted in the afternoon asking if she could come over and ride her horse. I replied yes. Then, apparently just before she left she called from outside while I was cleaning inside and away from my phone. The call went to VM and she left without coming inside the house. The VM was about S8’s backpack and her wanting to borrow equipment to change the oil on her car (I’ve always done that for her BTW). She snipped that I wasn’t answering her calls or texts in the message in an annoyed tone. I didn’t appreciate that. I called her back layer and asked why she didn’t come in. She said she could read people and could tell that I was upset this morning when picking up the kids. She said I didn’t even look her in the eye. I told her I wasn’t comfortable going inside because it was my first time there and I had never been invited there. She said your kids are living there and you could come in to check it out. She said she felt weird about coming into our house too after separation and didn’t think I wanted her inside. I told her we should talk through those things when she feels that way. She said she wasn’t trying to be passive aggressive by leaving without coming in. She planned to come over again early evening for the oil change stuff and car jack.

When she came over, she came inside and was receiving texts from OM2 when I was standing there talking to her. She stopped what she was doing to reply to him. I had enough of that and felt it was time to establish a boundary. We then had the following conversation over the next few minutes where I remained calm and confident:
H: “I would appreciate it if you not text him while you are in this house.” (She became upset and started to walk away.)
W: “I’m not allowed to text in this house?”
H: “That’s not what I said, I don’t appreciate you texting other men in front of me.”
W: “You’re paranoid, there is no other guy.”
H: “Really? You were texting other men for the last month that you were living here.”
W: “It wasn’t another guy, it was BFF.” (I saw OMs initials on her screen when she was standing next to me)
H: “What about the guy texting you pictures of his truck last week when I was saying goodbye to the kids in your car?”
W: “He’s just a friend.”
H: “Okay, yes, a friend.”
W: “Your obviously getting advice from somewhere because all of your responses since I moved are careful, diplomatic, and short. The messages are business like.”
H: “I’m trying not to be overly critical and judgmental as that was one of my shortcomings in the past.”
W: “It’s okay to have an opinion on things.”
H: “That makes sense.” (She was annoyed by this response as it was diplomatic too.)
H: “Tell me more about how you feel we should interact.”
W: “We’re parents and need to communicate about the kids.
H: “Yes, we are and that’s about all we communicate about since you moved out.”
H: “If you ever want to talk about anything I’m here to listen.”
W: “I don’t talk with anyone. You and I have never been chatty. I don’t feel the need to share my day with people.”
W: “I have a lot going on right now.”
H: “I understand, perhaps we can talk about house visits to address the awkwardness when you settle in more.”
W: “Okay.”
H: “Later.”
W: “Bye.”

I know there is always room for improvement and this probably crossed too deep into R talk. Hopefully it was worth it and she respects my boundary.