I am probably the longest running poster here. I had the BD in 1999 and he divorced me in 2002. My xh was one angry man for about 6 years. During that time he married his affair partner who was a year younger than me and could have passed as his mother's sister. He was in full replay until his affair partner/wife passed away in 2013. When my BIL was killed, my xh came out of the woodwork and called me and then right after the funeral was asking for things out of the house...now mind you, we were divorced 3 years prior to my BIL's death. His affair partner/wife passed away on the same day as our wedding anniversary. Again, very nice and appeared to be getting himself together. He is now living w/another ow in CO. He has aged considerably and has begun to lose some of the weight that he packed on from years of partying and boozing.
He reconnected w/his family for a very short period of time in 2013 and now has basically ghosted all but his only brother. He's wiped the slate clean of everyone and is living in another fantasy world where people in CO do not know him or his past.
I stated many years ago that he would not recover from this because this man will never admit that he's done anything wrong. Rip Van Winkle continues to sleep in his safe little cocoon. Some never recover and become angry old men or old men/teenagers that others shake their heads at. Such a shame.
As for me, I moved forward, several promotions, paid my house and car off and I am now debt free. It was a relief when the divorce was finalized and the huge weight that I was carrying, i.e., wondering at any time what he would try to do next, etc. I have since retired and am enjoying my life. The experience was an open wound until the divorce was finalized, the scar is healed nicely and yes, I forgave him for his behavior and lack of sanity.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
