My H and I ended up having a conversation this morning as we were deciding what to do about our Easter plans. He felt as if I have been acting as I am moving on and wanted to talk. Of course, I tried my best to sit and listen without responding much, but I also felt I had to stay true to myself and my feelings. It turned into a relationship discussion, that I probably should have avoided, but in a way I feel relieved.
He thinks perhaps a break, or separation, will do us good. "Maybe a month from now I will regret this.....Maybe we will realize how much we love each other and that we can't live without one another. This does not mean the end of our marriage...." I'm not sure if he is just saying this to make me feel better, or to lessen his guilt, but I cannot go on living in our current situation as it is. He is overwhelmed by the thought of moving out and what it will involve. He said he doesn't even know where to begin. As far as I'm concerned it is not my problem.
He continues to tell me this other "relationship" is not what I think, that it is not intimate, etc. Frankly, at this point I don't care what the details are, it is damaging to our relationship. I am tired of the lies. He tries to tell me that this contact with the OW is a separate entity, that our relationship issues are a bigger part to what is going on with him. That we have caused much damage in our marriage over the last 27 years. I have learned enough over the past few months to know that this is typical talk, he is trying to rationalize his behavior.
I know that I may lose him forever, but I think I would rather end our marriage than live with the knowledge of this ongoing affair. At the end of our conversation I told him that if his contact and relationship with _____ continues, then he needs to leave. I said her name for the first time out loud, and it felt like a relief.
I am truly heartbroken. We have faced many difficulties over the past 28 years together, and I thought we would fight through this. We have always worked well as a team and taken things on together. I am angry, sad, and overwhelmed by emotions.
I appreciate all of the support on this forum. I will try to remember to be patient, look to advice before acting
