Husband is having an affair...trying LRT

[Hurt213]

Hi dear,

Sorry you are here, but you are, and lets make the best of it, shall we?

There are a whole lot of us here, whom have begun the journey that you are about to undertake, and we all began with that first step, which is so hard, because its absolutely counterintuitive.

Heres the deal.. There are two kinds of people you will come across here, and thats not to say that A or B is right. I am speaking from personal experience when I say, that posters like LH19 will tell you straight up (aka 2x4 you) when you are fooling yourself or when you are about to do something really dumb that will set you back.

He has a great way of setting emotions aside, and telling it like it is. For me personally, that has been golden. For some, it might sound a tad rude, and unfortunately, some people will immediately go on the defensive, instead of actually taking the solid advice into consideration.

Then there are the posters who takes all your emotions into consideration, which is really nice, and I appreciated that to some extent as well, but hey (for me at least), I needed a way out of the darkness, and that way was a lot easier for me to understand, with clear solid advice, and the occasional slap to the face, when I was A: Fooling my self or B: walking the wrong path.

So do not take it personal if I or one of the other posters 2x4 you, because its really insightful and a good help, if you allow it to be .

Lets see about your last post shall we:

"When you are involved with another woman while still married to me I feel disrespected. I want all contact to stop. If you continue to contact her and lie to me, I will consider all my options, including D."

This is a lot of words, and the underlying message reads "I am your plan B, I am hurting, would you please consider not continuing having fun with OW? because then I will maybe, just maybe consider the fact that you and I should not be together, maybe..."

A boundary is something you set in stone, its crystal clear when that boundary is crossed, and the reaction / warning needs to be enforced instantly - if you are not able to do that, then dont set that boundary, because that will look weak as fk..

If you are absolutely sure, that a continued involvement with OW equals D for you then keep it simple and understandable: "H, I will not tolerate adultery in my M. If you do not cease all contact with OW, I will begin D proceedings." <-- This will most likely end in D, but you will have your self respect and nothing in that statement can be misunderstood. Do it because you want to, not because you want him to react in a certain way.

Get out and do stuff with 0 energy at first (it will get better). Set some goals for yourself, short term and long term, and work towards these goals. Become independent and realize, that you are more than able, and capable of life without hubby.

Stay strong, and do run your thoughts and ideas by here, before executing .