No words of wisdom for you I'm afraid. It sounds like the start of a new relationship, but with the baggage of the old one. Tough line.
You still want to R, that much is clear. You can't know what she wants unless she actually states it, and we both know she won't. So take it slowly, carry on as you have, living your life, being there for your kids, and generally being the awesome you you have become. Treat it like a new relationship - but tentatively with as few expectations, given the circumstances, as possible. Continue making plans for you and spend time with her (or her and the kids) because you enjoy it, not because it might lead to R. Live in the present with no expectations and no assumptions.
Continue doing you. The rest (whatever that may be) will follow.
