I am so glad to have found this place and Michelle's book. I am a newcomer and I am struggling.
After 27 years of marriage, I discovered that my husband was having an emotional affair- lots of texting and phone calls- back in February of this year. After the initial blow up we were able to have a few honest conversations. He told me he was unhappy in our marriage. We were essentially living as roommates and lack sex has been an issue for some time. Our relationship was friendly, we are best friend who enjoy spending time together, and I thought we were ok. We were in the process of buying our dream home and planning for our future.
The first few weeks after discovery were emotional, but we were still sleeping in the same bed, and were intimate frequently. I discovered he was still in contact with the OP and reacted. I told him if it were to continue then we need to separate. Of course, this just pushed him closer to her and further away from me.
He asked for space so he could figure out what he wants to do. He says he is conflicted. He does not want to lose his best friend, but he is not sure he wants to stay in the marriage. He says, "Maybe it has run its course." He has been on the couch for the last month, but otherwise our relationship is ok. We have our morning coffee together, stay in contact throughout the day, and eat dinner and watch tv together.
Last week, I was feeling a little too good about the way things were going and misread signals. I purchased a few of his favorite things while shopping, stopped by his team practice, and then asked him to go on a hike. His response was I was moving a bit too fast, and he needed space. That we were not in the same place, he wished he were, but he was still conflicted. That is when I found DB. I immediately implemented the LRT.
I started to make plans with friends, joined a gym, and put on a happy face. I told him I was going to a friends to visit for a few days. He seemed annoyed, but told me to have fun. I wasn't on the road for an hour and he began texting me. He texted me throughout my trip and I replied with short responses, and not immediately as I normally do. I did not initiated any contact. He said I seemed "off" and was wondering if I was ok. When he called he stated he did not want to bother me, just checking in. When I came home he seemed unnerved. He asked me lots of questions about what I did and then finally asked if there were "someone else" I was visiting while there. I kept my cool and answered his questions.
Since I came home he continues to contact me, and the tables have somewhat turned. His texts are longer, he's offering to bring home dinner, asking what kind of beer I might like, etc. BUT, just as I think things are moving forward in the right direction, BOOM! I found an email that confirmed my biggest fear. The email described that he would be out of the office traveling. This was the same day I left for my friend's house. He told me he was working on that day, so now I know he was with her. I remember him spending an awful long time getting ready that morning, which leads me to believe that this relationship has turned physical. It is probably not the first time. I am devastated. I can barely look at him.
I know I have only implemented LTR for less than a week, and although I feel I am seeing progress, I'm not sure I can continue knowing this new information. I am torn. Part of me wants to continue doing what I am doing and hope for the best. The other part of me wants to tell hime I can't continue to be his friend as he is involved with someone else, it hurts too much. That our relationship deserves to be treated with respect. That I love him enough to let him go.....
