Some other pertinent info from the past few months:
- She has created a new FB account with her maiden name, and the page she had was just a single post saying that "due to some life changes I am creating a new account, you can find me at...."
- She has said she was planning on selling her wedding rings. This was almost a month ago, to my knowledge they've not been sold yet (earlier this week when getting some of my stuff, I ran across it at the bottom of a drawer).
- I initially asked for marriage counseling, she agreed to go but only to help me "deal with it" for the first session. She laid out all the previously mentioned issues. The counselor pushed for her to give us some time but she said she was done. I've since been going every few weeks for myself.
- Her biggest overall complaint/root issue I think is me being "childish" in her mind. Which I agree. Always in my hobbies, not helping around the house or with our son much, sleeping in on my free weekends (while she went to church much of the time), the porn thing, etc. Not being in the house will make some of those hard to demonstrate 180s, but I'll do what I can and hope for the best while preparing for the worst.
- Her mom(who I suspect was in her ear pushing for divorce)last wastching our son after school for a while, but she bailed on this after just a month or so. She complained that her back hurt and couldn't do it anymore. So the W was forced to enroll him in after school care at $560/mo. I took a Friday off to get him off the bus a few weeks ago to help out. I got no thank you or anything from this, but got some extra time with my son.
- This past week he came down sick and got sent home from school on a Thursday and couldn't go Friday (she took that time off work unpaid - I wasn't made aware until later in the weekend). She asked if I could take Monday off work to help her out, I am near out of sick time for now, but I told her I'd check, so went to work and verified I had a bit less than a full day but told her I'd take it off anyway. I never got a thank you for this (though I wasn't really expecting one).
- For a while she was threatening that I had to keep paying her rent ($1300/mo), but eventually backed down and I've taken my name off the lease with her present. Been unofficially paying ~$800/mo for child support based on the VA child support calculator. It's all documented transfers through my bank to cover myself. This has been agreed for the last month or so.
- To my knowledge she still hasn't retained a lawyer. I've got money set aside for mine, though I'm debating just retaining her anyway. I THOUGHT about having her draw up a separation agreement, but figured that would be viewed as me taking control of the situation. Even though I don't want to go through with this.
- In the past couple weeks I've started seeing some less angry interactions with her:
- When visiting on Wednesday night it was strictly business, she didn't stop to tell me anything or start an argument, etc. We had a bit of small talk about our son and that was basically it.
- Earlier this week I transferred another $75 to her to assist with the child care enrollment that she paid a few weeks ago (this is about the 60% I owe per VA child support based on our income ratios). She actually texted me back "thanks" for the first time in a while.
- The other day she texted me asking to help move her old furniture to the dumpster and if I could bring someone to help since she doesn't know who else to call. I agreed since I'd be there anyway to pick up my son for the weekend. She texted me that she really appreciated it. It was kind of awkward waiting there for my dad to show up and help. She started complaining that I dropped him off too early the last time and he shouldn't be returned until 7. I was a bit baited and defended it being that I picked him up several hours earlier than usual that weekend, but ended the conversation when I realized what was going on. When my dad showed up we tossed the couches and left. This wasn't a great interaction but...
- ...she calls me today, she needed someone to vent to because the furniture guys wouldn't even try to move her new sectional up the stairs into the apartment, the sales guy said it shouldn't have been a problem, and she had to return it and was charged a 20% restocking fee. I was able to use some validation statements to sympathize with her. She was complaining that her mom didn't understand why she was so upset.
Overall I'm doing well now, focusing on not making matters worse and just enjoying being myself and doing fun things with my son.
