I actually just stopped by here to give a quick update that H actually responded to my message about the heart. He replied: “I didn’t. TY”. Not sure what the TY is for, but for me it can put the matter to rest.
Then I see Dnj’s posts. DnJ – do you have any idea how much I value your input? It’s thoughtful, useful, meaningful, and helpful. So, THANK YOU! I will take a moment to reply on just a few things, because I want to reread a few times and think about it.
Originally Posted by DnJ
The word “try” sets one up for failure. Our minds are incredible powerful - it creates your reality. No doubt about that. If it is in your mind it real - to you. .
This is so very true, and I do practice this in other areas of my life. I am definitely a “glass half full” kind of gal, and people tell me all the time that they love how I am so positive. I think this inherent positive attitude is partly what keeps me at peace. I’ve been weak in applying it in this aspect of my life. “Try” definitely sets one up for failure. I will change…….
Originally Posted by DnJ
If he reaches out, and you can handle it, by all means respond kindly and briefly. Letting him control the pace ensures he is capable of handling the emotions that will stir up within him. .
I think this is sage advice, and will take it. His trips to the house as if a ghost, pulling away from his kids and certainly me, says volumes. He doesn’t want us in his life now. His reasons are his, and my genuine concern for him will not change this.
As for blocking OW. I did that long ago, but I can/could still see what she puts up for public view. If there is a way to never see even public things, I don’t know how to do it. With that said. I won’t go to her page at all. (did I say that right, DnJ???)
As for taking H off the phone. All our bills are still joint – auto insurance, phone, electric, gas, etc. I plan to leave it alone for now. He hasn’t even gotten an apartment yet. Just staying in airbnbs. He can't even commit to signing a lease anywhere. Maybe that will change May 1. Who knows? For now I plan to let him drive how detached he wants to be from our previous life. I might change my mind next month or never, but I’m not there yet.
H came over again today while I was at work. This is the second week in a row he did not message me saying he was coming over. Months ago I asked if he would just let me know when he planned on stopping over. It felt odd to me to arrive home knowing he was in the house. I have nothing to hide, and he can snoop all he wants and won’t find anything, but it just bugs me. Almost like a violation. It’s not a strong feeling, but there. So, do I remind him to please let me know if he plans on stopping over? Should it really matter?
Anyway, off to see the kids tomorrow to spend Easter with them! My S21 called me this week and said he wants to see a therapist for anxiety/panic attacks. So, we are going to talk about that a bit more this weekend, and I’ve already started looking into it for him (he asked for my help). D19 has been randomly texting me all week “Miss you!” “Love you” “Can’t wait to see you!” They are my joys, and I feel so blessed I am so close to both of them.
