Story and Symptoms of MLC/WAW Part 2

[sandi2]

As far as women who are separated or divorced and attempting in finding love in their life, finding and redefining their identity, and they're authentic self, I just can't seem to wrap my head around it why a woman or how a woman would lose her identity in a relationship, and why all of them self described as if they are walking on eggshells? Particularly in mine, and others situations?

I believe women who have abusive or very overbearing H's feel they have to walk on eggshells, b/c the least thing can set him off......so they live in that nervous dread of the next explosion.

To some degree I can understand how they would lose their identity in a very codependent relationship, and I can understand how a lot of women at times can be people pleaser, never setting proper boundaries, being authenticly vulnerable, and assertive in their wants and needs.

I think these are situations where people feel suppressed, or don't have the courage to be the person they want to be. Perhaps they have not had the opportunity to develop some areas of their life. I suppose we all have certain things that hold us back to some extent. We have to have boundaries and act civilized, and if we are going to be in a loving relationship.....it can't be about us all the time. It has to be about our spouse. I just don't think losing one's identity or "finding yourself" is a proper definition. Too many people use it to mean too many things.

We have these popular catch-phrases that spouses use as their reasoning for breaking up a marriage. In WW terms, "finding herself" really means to ditch the H. Personally, I think people go through transitions. Some may refer to positive transition as growth or reinventing themselves (another catch phrase). This "needing to find oneself" might apply to someone who has suffered traumatic mental/emotional distress, IDK. However, if we are referring to the usual WW we find here on the board and her giving the excuse of needing to find her own identity, I think is b.s. I mean, is there nothing else she can do to help her find her "authentic self"?

This is the same message they were giving women back in the '70's. Women were told to not refer to themselves as Mrs. So & So, b/c that was her H's name, not her's. Women need their own identity. It was part of the equality movement. There were bra burning rallies. SAHM's is an updated term. They use to be called "housewives", until they were ridiculed for staying home and raising a family. They were told they weren't happy, b/c nobody could be happy being a housewife! They needed to ditch their H, and find a career b/c they were not living up to their full potential. Go find themselves! Otherwise, they were nothing more than a servant to their H and kids. So, whether intended or not, the marriage and family/home life took a serious hit. It was everywhere on television. The talk shows, the movies, magazines, etc. were all spreading the same propaganda. Families were breaking up left & right. The same message is being bought today. Women were told they could "have it all", which was a lie. Today, women have so much it's too heavy to bear the weight.

I don't think a woman would lose her identity in a normal MR, unless she had a mental problem. I've seen some women who I thought did not feel they could express their personality as freely as they would like, but they knew who they were. I've known a few who were beaten down emotionally and physically, but they knew who they were. Once they got out of the abusive situation, they flourished and it might have appeared they had a new identity.....but they knew who they were.

I agree with Grace. I think finding her authentic self is garbage. It seems handy for some people to use as an excuse to forsake the vows, morals, spiritual beliefs, and live like the wind that has no direction.......all in the name of finding themselves.

As for the article.......it's pretty cheesy. I've never been to a meetup event, but do they have people trained in these areas? Are there psychologists on the scene of these meetups? I mean, that is coating it pretty thick. It kind of reminds me of some MR books I've seen advertised.