H still doing yard work only when you are not around. He feels the pull of his old life, but can’t handle what he has done or is doing. Emotional turmoil. Leave him to it. That sounds mean, until you understand and realize that is the most compassionate thing you can do for him.
Sending a brief message every once and a while. Hmmm. Basically anything you do, or don’t do, will not affect his path. And paradoxically everything you do, will affect it.
I think most IC are there for you. That makes sense, you are seeing them. They will give you advice for you. Unfortunately you, me, and many of us here, are in a situation with limited understanding or belief from the professional world.
H needs time and space.
If he reaches out, and you can handle it, by all means respond kindly and briefly. Letting him control the pace ensures he is capable of handling the emotions that will stir up within him.
You reaching out periodically is fine, but has some possible drawbacks. It keeps you on his radar when he has stated and demonstrated that he needs to leave. Of course you asked him to move out. To be caringly blunt with a very good friend: I think this is a point you need to accept, to lose your fear over, and to forgive yourself for. (((Grace)))
I still remember some advice you gave me “You don’t worry about the harshness, you want advice on how to get through this and get to the other side”. Pretty wise of you, and a good expectation to tell me. It woke me up a little, to be honest.
Another drawback with periodical messages from you, is it keeps him on your radar.
H needs time and space.
What does Grace need?
I think dim is a good approach. Let him choose when you two converse.
I believe H is still in replay. If there is an OW, he is in replay. However, it is a good idea to read back on the stages again. We all need a certain level of understanding to move forward. And then more understanding to move more again.
The hearts slip up on the message, it’s ok. Mortified! The shock, the panic. I was right there as I was reading along. Thank you for sharing. Showing vulnerabilities is healing and helpful. You had a slip and a wonderful sincere (gasp in shock of what I’ve done) response. I found it beautiful to tell the truth. I am looking at it as a window into you, and nothing to do with what H thinks or now wonders (or not) about.
It is a sign, the meaning of which will be revealed when you aren’t looking for it. Trust this. The sign is also not what you are thinking it is. I’m not being coy or purposefully opaque about this, for no reason. Let this incident go. Give it over to God. I promise your subconscious will be mulling this over, and when you least expect it, you will be given an answer.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
