The confusion they exhibited at the beginning is evendence of their two worlds both being active in their minds. As time goes on, the MLCer usually pulls away. This is when they are becoming more and more wrapped up in their crisis, and the LBS gets less and less thought. As they run further into the tunnel, they question their actions less.
Now during quiet times for them, those questions and uncertainties come back, the demons come back. So, I believe most question if what they are doing is right. And they answer - Yes. It is right.
They have rewritten history, have justifications, and will use whatever they need, to maintain their fantasy. They are driven to run from their pain; which doesn’t promote much self-reflection for them. As life, karma, piles on problems they cannot run from so easily, they are forced to question, and to grow.
This was posted on another thread, and I wanted to comment on it without hijacking their thread. This gives me a lot of clarity with what might be happening in my own sitch now. H is becoming more and more distant. Showing up at the house to do the yardwork only when he knows I won’t be home, no messages this week at all. I can sense from afar his further pulling away. What’s interesting to me is I now seem to also be moving into more detachment. I hope my detachment continues.
I do feel deep within that I should just send a brief message to him to see how he is doing periodically. I even discussed this with my IC a few months ago, and she thought it would be fine. I believe you can’t ere when it comes to concern and compassion.
Anyway, I did just that a week ago. He said “OK. Good days and bad days”. I did not respond further. No communication since. Now, to be clear, I wasn’t expecting any. So, perhaps H is moving into the next stage. I think I have to look those up again. I’m sure his demons do still pop up, but as wth anything it tends to affect us less and less as time goes on. He may feel less and less guilty about all that’s occurred (or the feelings are buried more deeply), and feel that moving on is the right thing to do for him. Time will tell.
So, I made a big blunder today. I was sending him another brief “just checking to see how you are doing” note on FB. I didn’t even start typing, and hearts started flying. I must have by accident touched the heart. It always shows up as a quick option. I’m mortified! So, I just sent a message saying I was just sending a quick message to see how you were doing. The heart was an accident, so I don’t want you to be panicked or pressured. I didn’t know what else to do!!! I know usually fewer words is best, but I felt I needed to clarify! I certainly don’t want him thinking I’m trying to lure him in or am pining for him, which I definitely am not.
Maybe that’s a sign to completely leave him alone. I think it’s time.
