Thanks for the support! I’ll try to hit some of the highlights below.
In mediation yesterday, W came up with a parenting schedule for the next 2 full months. She reiterated to me and the mediator that she fully intends on moving out on May 2 (more on that later). She outlined who gets who when, and wanted YS full-time because of breastfeeding. The reasoning behind that for her is that milk production is the best when he nurses—can’t get the same with a pump.
My response? I told her and the mediator that I also want joint custody—but that when I have the boys, I have both of them, 50% of the time, including YS. (Basically, what LH said in a post—make it ‘crystal fuching clear’ that I would not budge off 50/50.) I then propose what my L drew up, with regards to custody / visitation (a 2/2/3 schedule), and her and the mediator looked it over. W would be willing to be without YS for at most one night because she is concerned about the milk supply—but then after thinking it over, she proposed the following: That when I have YS for 3 straight nights, that she comes over to the condo, has dinner with us, breastfeeds YS, helps put the boys to bed, and then when the boys are in bed / asleep, she leaves. I told her that that sounds reasonable, but that I would have to run it past L to make sure that it sounds kosher. W acknowledged that this could lead to some attachment issues for her and the boys (‘why does Mommy not stay?’). While that would [bleep], it would be temporary, and unfortunately, I find it to be one of several, natural consequences of a D. This is what happens, so we would have to deal. Feel free to wail away with 2x4’s if this sounds like cake-eating on her part.
I’m guessing that we only really agreed to the next 2 months, it looks like. Mediator looked over L’s proposal, and she said it sounds pretty standard.
My thoughts on her supposedly moving out on May 2nd? Well, they are myriad, and I’m probably caring about this way more than I should. To be fair, she said earlier this month that she would be out in a week—hasn’t happened. At various points this winter (from January onward) she said she would leave and up and take the boys—hasn’t happened. Very few of her threats have come to pass so far. I know—BELIEVE NOTHING THEY SAY.
So, May 2nd is a full work-day for me—school, and then I’m chaperoning our prom that night, so in reality if she does leave, then I would come home late that night to a house devoid of everyone—that would be her first night with the boys, supposedly. Also, she would have the full day to move her stuff out—whatever she is taking. Either it’s really smart of her to do it then, or it’s rather cowardly on her part since she doesn’t have to face me, but I guess on the flipside, it could serve to spare me emotionally.
Supposedly, she doesn’t want much from our current residence—except for some ‘family’ items of heirloom quality. I’m guessing she would take her stuff (clothes, personal effects, etc.), some family possessions, as well as the dressers for the boys (belonged to her and her sister), as well as a long bookcase her dad made. I would keep the crib, OS’ bed, our couch and loveseat (both of which I’ve wanted to replace for a long time, tbh) and our current bed (king-size memory-foam bed heck yeah!). (Kinda like the line from the Kelly Clarkson song—the bed feels warmer, sleeping here alone. I know this next thought is contrary to my values, and I shouldn’t concern myself with dating anytime soon, but my thought then went to—well, plenty of room and comfort for whoever next sleeps in that bed next to me! Okay, I’m done there.)
We’re inside of 2 weeks from this ‘deadline,’ and I haven’t seen much evidence of her packing stuff up yet. I know—I shouldn’t be concerned about what she does—rather, I should be concerned about what I’m going to do next. Where I’m concerned is with respect to the lease on our current place. We are both on the lease, and while I’m sure the lease would be assigned to me when things go final in the decree / judgment and assignment of assets / debts / obligations, I do wonder what her liability for that will be from the time she moves out until the decree / judgment is final. This is most likely a question for L.
This is just me venting / journaling, but: With her taking very little of what we have, what that means is that she is getting stuff and furnishings from someone / somewhere else. TF told me earlier to not worry about this, and he’s right—but man, I do wonder who will be paying for the stuff in her new place. Her mom? Her dad? Someone else? Like in most of our MR, someone bails her out. Shouldn’t worry about it, but it’s just unreal.
I then wonder about telling the kids, then, in the next 2 weeks. Obviously I do want to be part of the convo, but I’m gonna let her set this up—she wants this, so she will need to drive the train on this.
I’m sure there’s more, but this is for starters. Thanks for the well-wishes, everyone!
