Wife is having an affair and wants to separate

[SoTorn]

Like everyone is saying, you need to let her go. It is extremely counterintuitive. You will want to talk and want to pursue and will want to apologize and want to save your M.

The reality is that you cannot save your M. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make her change her mind. The only thing you can do is get to the point where you are no longer emotionally attached to her. At that point you will be solely focused on yourself and on moving forward in life.

You have to get to the point where you would literaly be surprised that she made changes and started pursuing you. If she ever changes in the future and wants to come back, it would be at a point where you arent even paying attention.

Just be you, do you and do what makes you happy. Keep up your morals and values. Just remember, that when you are still married, one person holding the vows while the other person threw them in the trash doesnt make a marriage work and doesnt keep your marriage together.

Yes, I met another woman and I allowed myself to do what I feel is right, which is to get involved with her. My WW knows about her yes. I actually was not planning on getting into another R. I just met this woman and it felt right and I get along with her very well. That and this woman has shown me what its like to be around a woman that isnt judgemental or critical of me.

My situation only varies slightly wherein my WW has always mistreated me in some form or another and I was just content with it. Once I took a step back I realize that I deserve much better and that she hasn't ever treated me like I should have been treated, so D is ok for me. My WW would have to make some extreme changes in her behavior. She never showed remorse for what she did. I got a few crocodile tears and "sorry's" from her and thats about it.

Just keep BD. Keep detaching. You will notice when you are detached because you will feel nothing when she is around. You won't be thinking about her all the time. You will have stepped off of the emotional roller coaster. You will be fine. You will be happy and content and will have direction.

Stop beating yourself up about the past. The past is the past. You cannot change the past. You can only focus on the future. So start setting yourself some goals both short term and long term and focus on those. Focus on being the best version of yourself possible. Get in the best shape you have ever been in and kick the sh*t out of life. Thats what I am doing.