Thanks Adam, Hurt and AnotherStander for your perspectives and it helps look at things differently.
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Oh her heart will absolutely change. Just probably not on your timeline. A friend of mine's W went rogue and ditched him. They sold their business and house and she moved in with OM. They didn't speak for 2 years. Then she started pinging him, and then they started having coffee together, then going out and now they are back together and happier than ever. It happens. It's 7 years past BD for me and my XW has only in the last year started showing shade of her old self. When we tell people it's a marathon, that is NO JOKE.
I agree that it is going to be a marathon and I hope that god gives me strength to keep running and be optimistic.
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And how much remorse do you feel for abandoning her the last two years? YOU cheated on HER with (fill in the blank- video games, work, poker nights with buddies, TV addiction, alcohol, etc.) See this is what happens with LBS's, they get so wrapped up in their own pain and misery that it makes it impossible for them to see their WAS as anything other than a cold, uncaring, evil monster. But she was hurting quite badly, enough that she felt desperate to escape the M. And an A was her means of escape, a promise of something better. You want to make this all about you, but it's more about her than it is you.
I have remorse and I understand and accept my responsibility, but I still am of the opinion that if she would have said that i want to separate and maybe get divorced becuase I am not happy, I would have respect for her and would have accepted this better than what I feel today. Affair was not and is not a solution and this choice destroys more.
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Oh but you do. Because she will not even think about coming back as long as she knows you are Plan B. It is a paradox. These lines from the movie Swingers help explain it:
How do I ensure that she feels that I am not cold towards her and our communication improves, still ensuring that I don't look desperate.
Also, after my confronting her yesterday, I was out the whole day and came back home around 11 after spending some good time with some friends.
In the morning, my daughter wakes up and my wife knocks at my bedroom ( we sleep in different bedrooms since DDay 01/19) and asks me to take her to daycare. I replied that as I have off today, i will stay with our D and spend time with her. She said ok and then went to take a bath and left in half hour. I know she will be going to OMs place.
I felt helpless and like a doormat as I knew and she also knew that I am aware that she is going to OMs place and I couldn't say anything. She is moving out on Wednesday, so I am not sure if I can set any boundaries.
Is there anything I can do during these 5 days that conveys that I am strong and will not be run over. Self esteem took a big hit today.
