Well, after today, I felt that the hope for saving my marriage is very low. It feels like nothing will change her heart.
Oh her heart will absolutely change. Just probably not on your timeline. A friend of mine's W went rogue and ditched him. They sold their business and house and she moved in with OM. They didn't speak for 2 years. Then she started pinging him, and then they started having coffee together, then going out and now they are back together and happier than ever. It happens. It's 7 years past BD for me and my XW has only in the last year started showing shade of her old self. When we tell people it's a marathon, that is NO JOKE.
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She mentioned how lonely she felt during last two years and that si why she is leaving me and it has nothing to do with affair. I just can't take the thought out of my mind that she felt no remorse for cheating on me.
And how much remorse do you feel for abandoning her the last two years? YOU cheated on HER with (fill in the blank- video games, work, poker nights with buddies, TV addiction, alcohol, etc.) See this is what happens with LBS's, they get so wrapped up in their own pain and misery that it makes it impossible for them to see their WAS as anything other than a cold, uncaring, evil monster. But she was hurting quite badly, enough that she felt desperate to escape the M. And an A was her means of escape, a promise of something better. You want to make this all about you, but it's more about her than it is you.
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I so want to sense prevail in my WW and she will make the right choices.
First you have to make yourself the "right choice". Because right now, you're not. Needy, desperate, sad LBS's are not attractive at all. So get about the long, difficult process of making yourself strong, independent, self-sufficient for all things physical and emotional.
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I don't want my wife to think that I am done with her
Oh but you do. Because she will not even think about coming back as long as she knows you are Plan B. It is a paradox. These lines from the movie Swingers help explain it:
MIKE And what if I don't want to give up on her?
ROB You don't call.
MIKE But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her.
ROB Right.
MIKE So I don't call either way.
ROB Right.
MIKE So what's the difference?
ROB The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back.
MIKE So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her.
ROB Right.
MIKE Well that [censored].
ROB It [censored].
MIKE So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her.
ROB Right...or more likely the opposite.
MIKE Right... Wait, what do you mean?
ROB I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call - whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care.
MIKE Unless she comes back first.
ROB Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore.
