So the birthday dinner last night. I’ve realised I have a huge problem with birthdays because dh has pretty much ignored mine over the years. For example: for his 40th, we went to Switzerland for a week. For mine: I got a plastic ring and chicken and chips in a Spanish campsite. I mean seriously?? Then last year he went away for my birthday and rang me, then rang me back to apologise for forgetting my birthday, his friend had reminded him. I was ok about it at the time but now I’m incandescent every time I remember. So yes, birthdays seem to be a huge trigger for me. Ick.
So we went to meet dh for dinner, had a nice meal but he’d been in a meeting with colleagues he hates all day, and he was tired after getting back late from France on Sunday. He ordered a bottle of wine before I had a chance to say I wasn’t going to have any, so I ended up having 2 glasses (not big ones but still) and then I got loud-mouthed and annoying according to the kids. Ugh. Plus I didn’t sleep that well and had a hot flush during the night which I’ve avoided the last few nights. Anyway it got to 9 and I realised we had to rush to get the train or we’d get home a whole hour later so I dragged the kids out and rushed off. He looked very abandoned. Then one station entrance was shut so he caught us up at the station and I said we would miss our connection so he said get a taxi so we rushed off and just made it. He didn’t text me as he usually does to check we got the train. The thing is: he CHOSE this! We could easily have all stayed at his flat last night So I felt angry about that. I feel angry a lot right now. I’m back in victim mode and flailing about a bit. I want to get to a calmer place somehow but I’m not sure how.
Off for Easter weekend today, I have gardening and housework first. I’m definitely enforcing the no wine rule from now on, I should have told him in advance after all. The weather is nice and we can get out for some lovely walks, hopefully we can feel safer again, he can cook some nice meals and we can relax in each other’s company again. I’m going to make that list now.
So I felt angry about that. I feel angry a lot right now. I’m back in victim mode and flailing about a bit. I want to get to a calmer place somehow but I’m not sure how. 