Wife is having an affair and wants to separate

[Hurt213]

Vik,

I don't know your timezone, but hopefully, you are in bed, sleeping and recharging your mental tanks - because, you really need to.

I am just gonna be straight with you here:

1. You want to save your marriage. You STBXW absolutely has no desire to do such thing. So you are hanging on with rose tinted glasses to a foundation that is absolutely not able to carry you into the future - DONT let it, because if you do, it will destroy you.

Create a new foundation, with or without her, but a foundation build upon your values, and with a partner whom respects you and desires you in their life. That is a strong foundation.

Am I telling you to give up? Absolutely yes. You wont heal, you wont move on, you wont be coming from a place of strength as long as you keep up like this.

I am sorry, but you are most likely coming off as really weak, and your actions will without a doubt, be seen as pursuit by her. Women are emotional and feeling beings (sorry for the stereotyping here for the female users), and see WILL see right through any half hearted attempts you make in order for her to see why she should choose her marriage. Your marriage is over. Its just that simple, sorry.

You are spinning like crazy, and its so hard not to, I have my self, for many months, and I will NEVER get this time back. Time where, even though I want to think it panned out otherwise, I just wasn't fully there for my daughter and my son, because I was too invested in coming from a weak place and using my resources on trying to show and act like, I could change my WWs mind. Fact is, you CANT, I CANT, nobody CAN. It is them, that need to undergo a journey, they need to face their new reality, live it, and maybe they will realize that they gave up on something beautiful - trust me, you will know if she regrets what she has done, maybe she wont.

Should you wait around for her to have that epiphany? Please, I hope you know the answer to that rhetorical question my friend. You have one life. It smacked you in the face, hard - Dont let it continue to. Get out of bed, and start living your new life. A life where the people that matters are you and your daughter. Form that new life, one day at a time, and you will see, that you will soon find yourself to be independant and on a course, set by you and your desires - not the mutual path, that you followed when you were (you still are, sorry) attached to a future with your ex wife.

I am sending you lots of hugs my friend. This is hard - but very necessary in order for you to heal and live a fulfilling life. You only get one.