Mlc wife

[DnJ]

Hello R678

Well done! Good reflection and understanding. You are most definitely not in the same place you were.

7/10 is very good, especially this far into this. It’s nice you can see your progress. It shows in your writing and thoughtful description of the detachment you have. Shorter duration, flitting in and out, having control of your response, all so positive.

Indifference comes forward, slowly, like the progress of detachment does. While detachment uncouples your feelings from the MLCer, indifference actually attenuates, reduces, mutes, those feelings. Yes, one can become quite numb towards their spouse and spouse’s behaviour.

Detachment is the first step you need to take. Most everything else can then be working on concurrently, at the same time. Indifference, letting go, losing fears, all progress slowly and kind of together. Letting go of your spouse and your feelings for them leads to feeling indifferent. This takes time and patience to find.

Examining your feelings s important, what you’re feeling, and why. It’s hard to let go of something you don’t realize you’re hanging on to. Anger is one of the more difficult feelings to accept and work through. Indifference has no, or little anger. Love, caring, compassion are also lessened or quieted.

You can see that this goes hand in hand with the stages of grief; the progress to acceptance. This is why I believe it is very important to see what heading you are looking to achieve. Hopefully a noble and healthy goal of forgiveness and compassion is what you are heading for. I know of some people who years later still harbour anger, hatred, and vengeance - yes they moved on, sort of, but what a terrible cost and outlook they have now.

Indifferent will bring a wonderful peace. Let your feelings quiet and work through the anger. You need to see your feelings for what they are, for the real emotions they are. Then you can do something about them.

To over simplify this, detachment uncouples your feelings from W. Indifference stops the feelings towards W. Then you can find your beliefs, and what makes R678.

Beliefs is where you find true compassion and forgiveness. You will find that a compassionate indifference is possible, if you want it. If your heading is in that direction, you will find forgiveness. Compassion and forgiveness, they are not feelings, they are beliefs. They are deep.

These values and virtues are about you, are for you. Focus on yourself, and you will find yourself. That is one of the great gifts from indifference and this whole crazy mess - discovering you.

For what it’s worth, indifference is not emotionally switching off. It is accepting and understanding your emotions, which greatly lessens their effect. With time and practice you can learn to turn them off and on, a result of accepting and understanding.

You are right there starting this next part. Take a little time and figure out what headings you want to choose.

Do you think that Mlcer’s have moments of asking themselves if what they are doing is the right thing or are they so wrapped up in their crisis that us lbs’s are never a thought in their heads

Everyone is different. Generally speaking though, they all wonder if what they are doing is right - at times.

The confusion they exhibited at the beginning is evendence of their two worlds both being active in their minds. As time goes on, the MLCer usually pulls away. This is when they are becoming more and more wrapped up in their crisis, and the LBS gets less and less thought. As they run further into the tunnel, they question their actions less.

Now during quiet times for them, those questions and uncertainties come back, the demons come back. So, I believe most question if what they are doing is right. And they answer - Yes. It is right.

They have rewritten history, have justifications, and will use whatever they need, to maintain their fantasy. They are driven to run from their pain; which doesn’t promote much self reflection for them. As life, karma, piles on problems they cannot run from so easily, they are forced to question, and to grow.

I am glad you are seeking understanding about MLC, and your spouse. We all require some understanding to move forward. I hope I’ve helped.

DnJ